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The pure, white, driven stuff, voted "Editor's Choice" by popular Eskimo magazine "Snowed In" for seven years running. Known for its photogenic beauty, aniu has been featured on the cover of National Geographic a startling seventy six times, more than every other snow combined. Aniu has been known to charge up to 20k an appearance at a nightclub, bar, or eatery. FUN FACT: Aniu is name checked in the Fiona Apple song "Criminal", despite not being mentioned in either the chorus, verses, breakdown, or bridge.

 

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A crusty, frozen snow over a lake or pond. Hard and brittle, this snow appears to be ideal for ice hockey. However, its instability has drowned many a professional hockey team,including the '81 Winnepeg Jets and the entire Ottawa Senators franchise. By the cruel hands of fate, qetrar can support figure skating, ice dancing, and even pairs skating, but the second a hockey stick is gripped by someone standing on qetrar, the whole thing collapses, and a slow, cold drowning ensues. Attempts to even root for a hockey team in its vicinity can result in vicious cracks, that once almost injured a nearby Kristi Yamaguchi. FUN FACT: No Presidential candidate has ever lost after seeing qetrar the night before the election.

 

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Snow from a blizzard that lasts for a minimum of 3 hours and accumulates 8 to 13 inches of snow. Temperatures between 0 and 10 degrees Fahrenheit, and you can do your own conversion into Celsius. Wintery mix, but not a winterish mix. Ground visibility of 0.27 miles to those with 20/20 vision, but glasses-wearers would need to squint and would probably have snow on their glasses, anyway. Blustery, but not gusty, winds. FUN FACT: Due to his iron-clad contract, Pirta is the only kind of snow Al Roker will report on.

 

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Utvak is aniu snow that is over a week old. It is about to freeze over and become ice, but is clinging on to life so it can tell its family how much it hated them and make the last days of its life as miserable as possible. Utvak often refuses to accept the inevitable, and can be seen parading aroundlike young aniu snow, sadly trying to relive its former glory.Some Eskimos call it The Strokes of snow. Other Eskimos have never even listened to The Strokes. FUN FACT: KFC originally named the Double Down sandwich "The Utvak," before coming to their senses,and a rare commercial with Cory Feldman eating an Utvak exists in the KFC Media Vault.

 

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Freshly fallen snow that is entirely innocent and knows nothing of the evil that lives inside all men's hearts. Playful, yet hopelessly naïve, nutaryuk is often taken advantage of by telemarketing scams and adults who are shameless enough to pee anywhere.Nutaryuk is great for frolicking and child-like wonderment, but its youth and fragility lets its feeling get easily hurt, even if you are clearly being sarcastic. FUN FACT: Nutaryuk was the understudy for the role of Javert in the 2003 Fox Chapel High School production of Le Mis.

 

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The snow from the blizzard to end all blizzards, cellalir is, to quote famed weatherman Sam Champion, "the shittiest fucking bitch goddess of snow."A sudden, strong storm, cellalir can appear literally out of nowhere, from the warmer climates of San Diego to the kind of unpleasantly cold climates of Central New Jersey. Those unfortunate enough to be caught outside in a cellalir experience severe frostbite and the ability to see beyond linear time known as "cross-dimensional sight." These Cross-Seers have dedicated their lives to fight TroXeus, the cyborg bio-virus that feeds off of space-time. Their most recent battle spans across the past seventeen issues in the Japanese manga "Cross-Seers Chrono Jump Go." FUN FACT: you can't fold a piece of paper with "cellalir" written on it more than eight times.