By Caldwell Tanner
5 Improvements to Winter Clothes that We Desperately Need
Image: a) A glove with velcro straps attached to the fingers. The straps allow you to adjust the length of each finger. b) The glove with velcro straps in place to show snugness
Caption: Unless you're into bespoke handwear, chances are your gloves rarely fit. Luckily these new velcro-strapped, adjustable gloves will fit you like...a....hrm. I can't remember how this
The Ultimate Hoodie
Image: A hooded sweatshirt with a) large scarf-like strings, b) glove pouches, and c) a see-through texting pouch.
Caption: The only thing more important than keeping warm is being able to angrily tweet about how cold it is outside. This new high-tech hoodie allows for that and much more! It's like killing two birds with one stone-cold chunk of ice!
Wind-Powered Liquid Heat Jacket
Image: a) A jacket with fans on either breast. b) A diagram shows cold wind hitting the fans, powering the thermal heater at the base of the jacket, which causes the liquid flowing through the jacket to be heated. c) A small tube near the neck allows the person to drink the heated liquid.
Caption: Thick insulated tubes carry heated liquid all throughout this jacket. Comes in three varieties: Coffee, Hot Cocoa, and Soup.
Image: a) A sturdy boot that connects to a snowsuit. Two zippers great a giant tongue on the center of the chest. b) A person zipped into the body boot.
Caption: There is nothing worse than getting snow in your boot, and no amount of sock overlapping is going to fix that. It's time to boot. it. UP.
Image: a) A person on a segway surrounded by an upright bed. They look so comfortable.
Caption: Let's face it, recreating the calming sensation of having never left your house is the only way you'll survive this ice-crusted nightmare of a season.