By Caldwell Tanner
How Long it Takes You to Respond to an Email (and What That Says about You)
Image: A simple chart made to resemble a gmail interface.
UNDER A MINUTE
- Expecting an exciting new LinkedIn Endorsement there, hotshot? Face it, you're an F5 Certified Refresh-a-holic.
A FEW MINUTES
- As the King of Prompt and Circumstance, you find anything less than inbox zero completely unacceptable.
OVER AN HOUR
- You're so busy writing emails that you can barely keep up with the ones piling in! SUCH IS THE DELICATE DANCE WE CALL LIFE.
WITHIN A DAY
- You're a responsible responder. From finding the perfect funny .gif to choosing a custom signature, you lovingly craft each and every email you send. Sure it takes time, but it's worth it.* *It is not at all worth it and actually loses your company valuable money
A FEW DAYS
- You're just having one of those weeks. It's cool. We get it.
- This is starting to get out of hand, but worry not! Just add "Sorry for the Delay!" to your email's introduction, and all will be forgiven.
- Clearly you're important. You probably have an office and everything. Whatever simpleton thought they could just barf words all over your pristine inbox is just gonna have to WAIT.
- You done f*cked up. You're gonna need to pull out all the stops and drop a huge apology bomb right up top. Something like "Yikes! So Sorry for the Late Reply" should do the trick.
OVER A MONTH
- Either you hate the person who sent this email or you're in a coma.
- You just woke up from a coma and in a moment of grace decided to forgive the person you hate by finally responding to that email they sent you.
OVER A YEAR
Alt. You planned on never responding to this email, but now a fate worse than death has surfaced: You need a favor from the person who sent it.