1. undefined 
  2. You

    Hey, can I get a small coffee, please?

  3. Barista

    Sure, I'll get that for you shortly.

  4. 5 minutes pass.
  5. You

    Hey, any updates on that coffee?

  6. Barista

    Yep, I'll have it for you shortly.

  7. 30 minutes pass. You and several other coffeeshop patrons periodically lean over the counter to see if your coffee is coming, even though that won't make it come any faster.
  8. Barista (through a  megaphone, bored)

    ATTENTION ALL CUSTOMERS, WE'RE ONLY SELLING SAUTEED SCALLOPS TODAY.

  9. You

    What? Are you guys not a coffee place anymore?

  10. Barista

    No coffee today, please stand clear of the counter.

  11. You

    But the whole reason I came here was for coffee.

  12. Barista

    For coffee you can walk two miles to the next coffeeshop, which may or may not be selling coffee today.

  13. You

    Two miles? But I'm already late for work because you made me wait 35 minutes before telling me you didn't have any coffee!

  14. Barista shrugs.
  15. You

    You don't have anything but scallops?

  16. Barista

    Exchange is available for discount diet orange soda by climbing up 3 flights of stairs, walking across a hallway, and then going down 3 flights of stairs.

  17. He points to a counter a few feet away selling orange soda.
  18. You

    Can't I just walk directly over there?

  19. Barista

    No.

  20. You

    Well, I guess orange soda is at least a drink, so it's kind of like coffee...

  21. Barista

    Do you want scallops or not?

  22. Other coffeeshop patrons

    TAKE THE SCALLOPS OR GET OUT OF THE FUCKING WAY!

  23. You

    Fine! Okay, I'll get some scallops, please.

  24. Barista

    Great. That'll be $2.75.

  25. You

    Here you go.

  26. You hand over the money. The barista knocks it out of your hand.
  27. Barista

    You didn't hand it to me right. Try again.

  28. You pick up the money and hand it over again. The barista puts it in the register.
  29. Barista

    You didn't hand it to me right. Try again.

  30. You

    Yes I did! You just took it!

  31. Barista

    You didn't hand it to me right. Try again.

  32. You take more money from your wallet and hand it over.
  33. Barista

    Thanks, here are your scallops.

  34. The barista holds a plate of scallops but refuses to hand them to you for fifteen long seconds. Then he hands them over.
  35. You

    Great. Thanks.

  36. Barista

    Oh, you have to stand in the middle of that angry mob of sweaty people shoving you while you eat them.

  37. You

    Really?

  38. The barista suddenly falls down dead. A second barista enters and snatches your scallops away from you.
  39. Second barista (through megaphone)

    DUE TO A POLICE INVESTIGATION, WE WILL NO LONGER BE SERVING SCALLOPS AT THIS TIME.