Ginger Ale = Marijuana
Ginger Ale almost doesn't count as a soda because of its mild flavor and the fact that its relatively harmless to your body. Ginger Ale also makes you feel better when you're sick and mixes pretty well with alcohol. Plus all music sounds so much better when you listen to it on Ginger Ale.
Coca-Cola = Crack
Coca-Cola is everywhere and super easy to get your hands on. The kick you get from the drink comes on quick, and it's relatively cheap. Try not to drink too much though or you'll find yourself permanently addicted and desperate on the streets.
Diet Coke = Cocaine
Diet Coke is usually the preferred party soda of rich people, who like to think it's safer for them than Coca-cola. In reality Diet Coke and regular coke are basically the same thing, one just has slightly different ingredients and a higher-class reputation.
Orange Soda = LSD
Mindblowingly delicious, you're always excited when you first start drinking Orange Soda, but by the time you're halfway through it starts to lose its novelty. You wonder if your drink will ever end...But then you finally finish your Orange Soda and you're left with a much better understanding of how all humans and sodas are connected.
Dr. Pepper = Ecstasy
Dr. Pepper has a secret recipe that leaves much of its euphoric taste to mystery. You don't really know what's in it, you just know it tastes amazing and like nothing you've ever had before. You're usually in a good mood when you drink it, but you know that afterwards no other soda is going to make you feel that great for at least a few weeks.
Seltzer = Adderall
Seltzer is easily the boringest soda around and often the choice of non-soda drinkers when circumstances require a carbonated beverage. Since it's usually free of the harmful ingredients most sodas have, you can always find Seltzer around schools and colleges. Bottom line, Seltzer is more of a study tool than a soda.
Mt. Dew = Crystal Meth
With so many other sodas available, most people opt for a milder drink; It takes a certain kind of person to "Do the Dew". If you're in the mood to run around the city like a maniac, pulling people out of cars and getting chased by cops, Mt. Dew is just what you need to fuel your bender.
Heroin = Redbull
It will kill you.