This exam will count as 20% of your final grade. You should do fine as long as you have my brain. You'll have the whole class period to finish the test minus the 15 minutes I'll spend telling you how easy it is and reviewing material not being tested. There are 100 questions, so you'll finish with plenty of time as long as you limit yourself to 14.7 seconds a question. Good luck and remember: whether you think you can or you think you can't, I still keep my job.
Section I: Multiple choice
1. The role educators play in society is often questioned and maligned, with people forgetting our true calling of expanding the minds of the generation that is about to be handed the keys to the kingdom. We challenge and probe, all in the hopes of preparing you for the task of running the show. Still, I feel good about myself when I trick teenagers, so which one of the following is the MOST likely to be the least correct?
I. This answer is right
II. This answer is wrong
III. A is sort of wrong
IV. B is right
a) I is wrong
b) I is wrong, but not as wrong as III
c) II doesn't make sense
d) all of the above
e) none of the above
8. Of the four synonyms below, which one was I thinking of when I wrote this exam 18 years ago?
Section II: Short answer
14. I lectured on this topic for three weeks in class, complete with handouts and multiple PowerPoint presentations, and you devoted your study time accordingly. This is the only question I'll ask on the subject.
27. 80% of you will get this question wrong, but I'll still sleep easy knowing it's your fault. Your tuition pays my salary, making this the most twisted employee/employer relationship that doesn't involve a dominatrix.
On the last class day before the test it rained and only about half of the class showed up. The next 12 questions come from that brand new material.
68. The other day I was onMyspace checking my SnapVine to see what good ol' Dustin Beeber is up to. Being around young people all day is a constant reminder of my own mortality, so here's a "funny" question where I meet you brats halfway and feel on the loop. It still counts against you if you're wrong.
Section III: Word bank
There are three words for every blank, some words are used twice while others are never used and two words can go in the same blank. One word is completely made up. If I misspelled a word and you copied it exactly, you'll lose partial credit because you can't make it in the adult world without correct spelling and grammer.
Section IV: Essay
Now that the easy part is out of the way, spend the last five minutes of class furiously scribbling nonsense that counts for half of your grade.
In your own words, write down my opinions about the novel we read this semester. Your essay must be at least five pages because all the best authors in history had page minimums.