undefined

  1. Int. OmniCorp Robotics Wing
  2. Scientist

    All systems online, heartbeat normal...

  3. OmniCorp CEO

    My god. He's waking up...It actually worked!

  4. RoboCop comes online. He sits up.
  5. RoboCop

    WHERE....WHERE...

  6. OmniCorp CEO

    Take it easy, son.

  7. Scientist

    He's right. After what you've been through you're bound to be a bit confused. Allow me to explain...

  8. RoboCop looks around frantically.
  9. Scientist

    You were on the verge of death, but we saved you by outfitting your body with a cybernetically-enhanced prosthesis known as a--

  10. RoboCop

    WHERE DID MY DICK GO.

  11. Scientist

    --I'm sorry what.

  12. RoboCop

    MY PENIS. WHAT HAVE YOU DONE WITH IT.

  13. Scientist and CEO share nervous looks.
  14. Scientist

    Well we-

  15. OmniCorp CEO

    I don't think you quite understand, Murphy. We saved you from certain death! But now you've been reborn as a symbol of justice in a desperate city! You'll be a hero!

  16. RoboCop

    COOL. SOUNDS GREAT. REAL JAZZED TO BE ON BOARD. ANYWAY, NOT THAT YOU SEEM TO MIND, BUT I DON'T HAVE A DICK ANYMORE.

  17. RoboCop knocks on his robot pelvis. A hollow clang rings out.
  18. RoboCop

    SEE? NOTHIN'.

  19. OmniCorp CEO

    But...you're the perfect soldier!

  20. RoboCop

    NO. LIL' MURPHY WAS THE PERFECT SOLDIER, BUT I GUESS YOU FIGURED MAKING SURE I HAVE A COOL HIP-MOUNTED GUN WAS MORE OF A PRIORITY THAN GROWING ME A NEW DICK OUT OF STEM CELLS OR WHATEVER. IT'S COOL I GET IT.

  21. Scientist

    You're completely bulletproof!

  22. RoboCop

    SO.

  23. Scientist

    Your lifespan has been more than tripled!

  24. RoboCop

    DON'T CARE.

  25. Scientist

    We uh...saved your right hand?

  26. RoboCop

    OH WOW. BRAVO DUDES. FIRST OF ALL, I'M LEFT-HANDED. SECOND OF ALL, WHY WOULD YOU GO TO THE TROUBLE OF SAVING MY HAND IF I CAN'T EVEN USE IT TO FULFILL MY PRIMARY ERECTIVE?

  27. RoboCop grabs Scientist's throat and starts strangling him.
  28. OmniCorp CEO

    My God...

  29. Omnicorp CEO stares directly at camera.
  30. OmniCorp CEO

    Is THIS the new cost of American freedom?

  31. Scientist gags.
  32. RoboCop

    DEAD OR ALIVE, YOU'RE GOING TO BUILD ME A NEW DING DONG.

  33. Scientist

    F-FINE...OKAY...just let me go! Please!

  34. RoboCop releases the scientist.
  35. RoboCop

    ALSO PAINT ME BLACK, CHICKS WILL THINK THAT'S COOL.

  36. Scientist

    Sure.

  37. RoboCop

    AND DON'T WORRY ABOUT BALLS, THOSE'LL JUST SLOW ME DOWN.

  38. Scientist

    Whatever.

  39. RoboCop fist pumps.
  40. RoboCop

    DOPE.

  41. End.