All systems online, heartbeat normal...
My god. He's waking up...It actually worked!
Take it easy, son.
He's right. After what you've been through you're bound to be a bit confused. Allow me to explain...
You were on the verge of death, but we saved you by outfitting your body with a cybernetically-enhanced prosthesis known as a--
WHERE DID MY DICK GO.
--I'm sorry what.
MY PENIS. WHAT HAVE YOU DONE WITH IT.
I don't think you quite understand, Murphy. We saved you from certain death! But now you've been reborn as a symbol of justice in a desperate city! You'll be a hero!
COOL. SOUNDS GREAT. REAL JAZZED TO BE ON BOARD. ANYWAY, NOT THAT YOU SEEM TO MIND, BUT I DON'T HAVE A DICK ANYMORE.
But...you're the perfect soldier!
NO. LIL' MURPHY WAS THE PERFECT SOLDIER, BUT I GUESS YOU FIGURED MAKING SURE I HAVE A COOL HIP-MOUNTED GUN WAS MORE OF A PRIORITY THAN GROWING ME A NEW DICK OUT OF STEM CELLS OR WHATEVER. IT'S COOL I GET IT.
You're completely bulletproof!
Your lifespan has been more than tripled!
We uh...saved your right hand?
OH WOW. BRAVO DUDES. FIRST OF ALL, I'M LEFT-HANDED. SECOND OF ALL, WHY WOULD YOU GO TO THE TROUBLE OF SAVING MY HAND IF I CAN'T EVEN USE IT TO FULFILL MY PRIMARY ERECTIVE?
Is THIS the new cost of American freedom?
DEAD OR ALIVE, YOU'RE GOING TO BUILD ME A NEW DING DONG.
F-FINE...OKAY...just let me go! Please!
ALSO PAINT ME BLACK, CHICKS WILL THINK THAT'S COOL.
AND DON'T WORRY ABOUT BALLS, THOSE'LL JUST SLOW ME DOWN.