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CVS says that they are done with selling cigarettes forever. They plan to do this permanently by October. Below is a personal diary (from CVS's POV) as to how this will probably work out.


 

DAY 1: First day not selling those nasty cigarettes. I feel good. I know it's only been one day, and you might find this funny, but I can't even remember one good memory of selling those cancer sticks.

DAY 2: Second day under my belt. Each day keeps feeling better and better. Can't even remember why I got into that whole smokes selling business to begin with. Everything just seems so beautiful after the fact!!! :)

DAY 5: Ran into my local grocery store earlier today. Saw her selling a pack of Menthols to some guy returning a shopping cart full of cans. Losers! Hey, local supermarket, if that's what gets you through the day, more power to you. I, on the other hand, don't need that business.

DAY 12: Keith came through the line today. He got his usual 2 cases of beer and 3 frozen dinners. He almost ordered his usual pack of non-filters' as well, we shared a hearty laugh. (A very forced laugh, now that I think about it.)

DAY 20: Almost sold a pack today, came so close. Fortunately I talked the guy down to a box of patches. Sure, they're not as flavorful as a sweet smoke, but they're better for you. That's what I have to keep telling myself.

DAY 38: It's the holidays again. This is the most stressful time for us convience stores. (I would say, 'drug store' but I feel that would be a gateway.) I find myself constantly yelling at the customers to get their confections and get out. That's not who I am... I have to push more of this nicotine gum; it's for all of our sakes.

DAY 46: Confession. I sold one pack of cigarettes today. No big deal, the customer wants to quit just as much as I do. Cold turkey is hard, at least that's what I'm telling myself.

DAY 57: Okay, okay, okay. New rule. I'll only sell packs to those people who are already buying beer. It's okay to have one or two, if you're already drinking. If I could sell single cigarettes I would, damn state laws!!!

DAY 60: Christmas is just weeks away, nobody can possibly quit now! Who am I to tell them that they have to stop? I'll continue to sell only to people who have smoked for years, now is not the time to cut them off...

DAY 63: Gum, patches, E-cigarettes, these are all nonsense products. If you're gonna quit, quit already. In the interim you might as well smoke. Besides, you can sell one or two packs at a time and not be addicted, right? Right? Right??

DAY 66: I'm selling more packs than I ever have before. It's stress combined with the growing demand for these smooth, smooth babies. Who are you to tell me what to do? If they want to smoke, let em! I'm not their dad!

DAY 67: Can't talk, smoking.

DAY 68: Oh yes... I'm in flavor country! Only quitters quit.

DAY 70:

MEMO FROM CORPORATE

Due to the struggle of CVS's pledge to quit selling cigarettes, the company as a whole has decided not to abruptly quit the sale of tobacco products at this juncture. CVS plans to be instrumental in the national consensus in reducing the harms of cigarette smoke, but we as a corporation have decided that now is just not the time. Not only is the Christmas season in full swing, but our girlfriend just broke up with us, and we have like 4 midterms we really need to focus on. Therefore CVS has decided to push back the date in which we cease selling tobacco to January 2016. And we truly mean it this time. No excuses. How hard can it be really? Thank you for your continuing support. Now excuse us, we have to go and do something (not smoking obviously, something else that isn't smoking), bye!

-Corporate