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"I'll leave my spot if you bring me three gold coins and answer this riddle."

This person decided to sacrifice personal health and hygiene in exchange for extra time cramming in the library.  Having spent the better part of a month hunched over a stack of books in the basement this person has morphed into Golem.  Any suggestion to leave their spot will be met with a mad rant about how "few of my precious outlets there are in this library!"  Leave them be. This is one friend that only time will save.   

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"I'll start studying after I hit this bowl...and that bong....also the gas mask."

One of the most infuriating students, this person has literally never been to class sober.  They don't take notes in class and spend all night playing Smash Bros instead of studying for midterms.  There's no way they can pass their midterms...right?  Wrong. This person is a genius whose brain uses THC like most humans use oxygen.  They'll get an A on their midterms.  That is if they remember to go to class that day.

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"If I don't make at least an 87 on this midterm my parents will stop buying my insulin."

This person is under enough pressure to make an Olympic athlete crack.  If they don't get at least a certain grade on the test they "won't be able to get into med school, then I won't become a cardiologist like both of my parents and I'll probably have to switch to some dumb major like communications and life will be OVER!" Smile, nod, and slowly back away. They are not your responsibility. Plus, you've got a communications midterm to study for.

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"See this equation? I've been staring at it for 3 hours."

This person decided to use a cocktail of ill-gotten prescription medications to turbo charge their brain the day before their midterm.  After all, why shouldn't they use science to help study science?  It just makes sense.  They'll stay awake for roughly 37 hours (you know this because they kept posting it on Facebook), take their exam, and hibernate for the weekend. 

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"The answers for my take home test are in the back of my text book."

This lucky student has a professor that just wants to make sure they open their book before the final exam.  With a take home, open book, group midterm in their hands, they'll fill it out with their classmates over beers and turn it in hung over the next day. You resent them even though this could have been you had you just checked "rate my professor" before signing up for classes.

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"Why's everyone being so lame? Let's RAGE!"

This student either had no midterm or had an optional midterm, either way they have no midterms.  You'll notice this person complaining about how other students won't drink with them or that the bars were completely deserted.  While you want to hate this person, pity them instead. Their final exam is worth 95% of their grade.   

 

*May also be a student who doesn't take their optional exam.