Subway recently introduced a new "Fritos Chicken Enchilada Melt," which is literally the contents of a chicken enchilada dumped onto a footlong bun and covered in Fritos. Then, a couple weeks later, they decided to just say 'screw it' and start selling pizzas.
If it wasn't already clear that Subway was high as shit, just check out some of the sandwiches planned for later this year:
The new Subway Spicy DoubleDog Deelight!
A hot dog WAIT no actually two hot dogs cooked on a Foreman Grill that wasn't given enough time to heat up, covered in Sriracha and eaten by hand because shit we're out of buns.
The new Subway Beany Mustard Can-opy!
Half a leftover can of black beans pulled out of the fridge and covered in, I dunno, does mustard go on beans? Eh, don't knock it til ya try it! Ooof, just tried it. No going back now. Served inside the can because it's basically a plate and I'm not doin' another one of your stupid dishes JEFF.
The new Subway Classic Italian SMDH!
Spaghetti-Os, Easy Mac, Doritos, and a Hot Pocket. SHUT UP I had a small lunch.
The new Subway Roommate's Leftover Chicken And Broccoli!
Oh, NICE! Don't even have to cook anything. I'll just leave him like, two bucks and we'll be even. I'll leave the dollars in the fridge where his food was, that'll make sense to him. Ah, crap, only have a $20. Whatever, I'll remember to pay him later.
The new Subway Sour Cream And Onion Chip Dust From The Bottom Of The Bag And DAMMIT Who Put An Empty Pizza Box BACK In The Fridge?
Was that me? Crap, that might've been me. Never mind. Any chips left? Eh, nah, I already checked 7 times. OOOH! There's still some onion dust left on my phone screen. MMMmmmMmMMm.
The new Subway Order A Pizza From That One Shitty Place That's Open After 2!
I just...how long's it gonna take? 30-40 minutes??? God man I might as well just... I might as well just like be a skeleton by then, will that make you happy? If I'm a skeleton?? Could you imagine if I was like a skeleton and tried to eat like, a skeleton pizza. It'd fall like right through my ribs. Then you'd see a pizza in me and shit. Haha look at Dave, he just ate a pizza! Skeleton's got sauce all over his bones. Huh? Toppings? Wha? Who is this? AH! Whew, hung up. I think they knew.
(Illustrations by Przy)