Filled with more hope than the first Obama campaign, you set off on what is sure to be the best trip of your life. You turn on the "Spring Break!!" playlist you made the night before filled with songs about being young, wild, and free. The world is your oyster shot and nothing can stop your fun.
Like Spinal Tap's amps, your excitement level just went to 11. You check into the hotel, turn your playlist on, mix a drink, and start pre-gaming. Sure it's 5 pm and you're not going out till 11 but, "I'm on vacation." The phrase you'll say before every mistake you make this week. Six hours later you're out on the town drinking like the apocalypse is minutes away. Shots and colorful drinks fill your stomach until--
You wake up in your bed after blacking out at the 3rd bar you went to the night before. Your head feels like it's a mosh pit full of sea urchins, but you're on vacation, dammit! This is nothing a mimosa can't fix. You have 9, then head to the beach where you spend the day drinking several tequila based beverages while listening to your playlist. If you're feeling adventurous you might go for a quarter mile walk before retreating to your beach chair. Here you'll pass out for the rest of the day.
After coming back from the beach you hop in the shower to wash the day off of yourself. HOLY SHIT! Every bead of water feels like lava searing your flesh. Maybe you should've put on sunscreen. You're exhausted but you're on vacation and a dumb, tired body isn't going to slow you down. Down an energy booster, listen to your playlist, and go into the night like a gladiator going to battle.
The next morning you enter the longest phase of your beach trip, the struggle. Using a combination of booze and vitamins you turn your body into graduated cylinder in an attempt to concoct a remedy for the soul sucking feeling you're experiencing. If you're a good chemist then you might be able to go about spring break like nothing's wrong. If not, you might not leave your bed until...
"Call me Geodude because I'm about to self-destruct!" It's the last day of spring break and nothing is going to stop you from having one final night of substance abusing fun. You put the playlist on full blast and pregame with all of the friends you made over the week. Eat, drink, and be merry, because tomorrow is going to be a true trial of the human spirit.
"You need to leave!" yells an angry hotel manager. What's his problem? You only missed your checkout time by 3 hours. That's only one Lord of the Rings movie. You throw your clothes into a bag and rush to your car...that you have to drive...for 9 hours back to school. Now is the time to regret every choice you made over spring break. This trip has all the pain and suffering of a modern day Oregon Trail, so set your pace to grueling, try not to die from dysentery, and TURN OFF THAT FUCKING PLAYLIST!