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What's not to love? Soft, fluffy, fun marshmallow under a delicately textured sugar coating. Sure, they can be a little tough when stale, but most people who malign peeps haven't had a FRESH peep. They taste like the pillowy clouds of heaven.

 

Plus you can put them in the microwave and make 'em blow up.



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Now and Laters are the best because they're basically saltwater taffy that FIGHTS BACK. These are not just a candy, they are a workout for your jaw, an assault on your molars, and a battle for your life. If you cannot handle a Now and Later, it is quite simply because you are morally bankrupt and a coward.

 

Sadly, the powers that be have capitulated to the weakness of today's youth and rebranded N&L's to be softer and more palatable to the slackjawed among us. I honestly think that this decision is one of the major problems with modern society.



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These are great! Most hard candies are cloying and over-fruity (get outta here, Jolly Ranchers) and the incredibly underused butterscotch is a refreshing departure. And they're not just for old people, so stop making fun of me for having them in my purse along with tissues and clipped-out newspaper articles I thought you might like. Seriously though, if you think Werthers are for old people, you probably also think Skittles are not overrated. You dum-dum. (Dum Dums are also an okay candy.)



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Listen. Listen. No, don't you fucking walk away from me! LISTEN.

 

I know. Okay? I KNOW. Candy corn is not GOOD. I know you can't eat a full bag of it without wanting to pull your teeth out. Maybe not even a handful of it.

 

But candy corn is like your annoying, smelly brother: you think you hate him, but you'd miss him if he were gone, and deep down you love him because he's part of the family. You gotta have a FEW candy corns every year or else it's not even officially fall! I mean, it's the little things like this that bind us together as a society - back to school season rolls around and we all start raking leaves and making cinnamon cookies and holding pep rallies and EATING GODDAMN CANDY CORN! It's tradition! So stop complaining that they're bad, because it's needlessly negative and unoriginal and everyone wishes you'd find something more interesting to say.



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Just kidding! These are shit.