Hey ladies!!!! SO. I know it can be SUPER hard and CONFUSING (!!!!!) to tell if a guy on Twitter is, like, actually interested in you (when you're a porn star who gets inundated with tweets). SO I thought I'd decode some of that weird macho guy language for you all and actually dish the 411 -- because, guess what? You know when a guy sends some of those tricky subtle dude-signals and you're like "Huh?!" Well, uh... yeah. Guess what. He's interested.

 

1. He tells you to have a good week, just... out of the blue.

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Ummm, yeah girlfriend. Most guys don't go out of their way just to, like, wish you the best. You think he's doing that to the girl he DOESN'T like?  I mean, maybe. OR maybe he just liiiiiiiiikes you (and/or your porn).



2. He compliments you for what's inside. And means it.

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Listen, guys only like to talk about guy stuff. We're talkin' sports. We're talkin' beer. So when a dude actually wants to talk about, like, metaphysical, internal beauty with you, ummm chances are he's not in it just to make conversation. Wake up - he likes you for who you are and wants to get to know you -- and not just watch free videos of you having rough sex on the internet.



3. He uses emoticons.

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What do emoticons mean? Emotion. And most guys don't like emotion. Most guys like cars, football, and loud movies. So if a guy puts his heart on the line by smiling to you in public, it means he wants to share his emotions - and therefore his heart, his soul, and his porn-ravaged bone - with you. And I'm pretty sure that means interest... ;D

 

4. He asks YOU questions and CARES about how you're doing...

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Interest means just that... interest. You see, love is a back-and-forth -- and not just a one-way street of spending hours on end alone in a dark room watching bootleg MPEGs of strangers fucking. So if a guy is going out of his way to start that conversation, it means he's intrigued by you... For your heart... Follow that...



5. He calls you "sweetheart"

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If there was any doubt, let the "s" word shatter it. "Sweetheart" communicates warmth, love, and chivalry. This is a man who will wine and dine you, sit and listen to your deepest, darkest fears, and win over your parents. He gets it. Which is why you should have the same sex with him that you do in the videos for your job.

 

6. He says PLEASE and THANK YOU.

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Umm hello? Smithsonian? Uhh yeah, I think we just made a major scientific discovery: A MAN WITH MANNERS. Newsflash lady: he digs you, that's it, lock it down. You done got yourself a CATCH. Jackpot. What a winner.