If you ever find yourself in a movie swordfight, just follow these 20 simple steps to come out on top!
1. First, exchange some whimsical banter. Trade light insults and chuckle at yourselves. This is a good way to prepare yourself to murder each other with blades.
2. Fight time! Start off with some standard back-and-forth sword-clanging. Keep it nice and easy -- don't try anything unexpected or try too hard to stab them / win the fight. Just a nice, simple rhythm.
3. Throw in some spins and shit!
4. After ~50 identical unsuccessful sword-strikes, just kick the dude. It will land perfectly because it is not fatal. Resume fighting.
5. Your opponent will swing at your legs once just to switch it up. Jump! Now they have failed to stab your legs.
6. Next, he'll swing at your head. Duck! He'll miss and smash something with his sword, like a dumb table or clay pot (there's clay pots all over the place because this is the past.)
7. Do some more standard clanging. Left, right, left, right, etc -- imagine a nice even dance beat, or the NES Konami Code.
8. Cross your swords and push your faces close together. Your opponent will whisper something taunting at you, either about how he's gonna steal your lady or how he'll kill you just like he killed your father. Yell "AaaaaAAHAHHHHH!!!" and push him away and resume fighting.
9. Grind your swords together up a stone wall or a railing so it makes sparks! Fucking COOL.
10. Cut to you as SILHOUETTES for a few seconds. Fucking EVEN COOLER!
11. Time to wrap this up! Make your big move!
12. Get your sword knocked out of your hand. Allow your opponent to corner you with his sword pressed up against your throat.
13. Your opponent will now laugh, because he finds it super funny that he is about to cut your throat in a couple seconds. What a villain!
14. He will now say something vague and boastful like "Long live the KING!" or "Prepare to get real stabbed!"
15. Suddenly, your opponent will get stabbed in the back. Blood will trickle from his mouth and he will collapse. Behind him, clutching a sword, is an UNLIKELY FEMALE COMPANION OF YOURS! Huhhhh???? She saved you?!?!
16. Embrace. That is that!
17. OH WAIT CAREFUL THE GUY'S NOT DEAD YET AND HE'S COMING TOWARDS YOU! Quickly grab that extra dagger you put in your boots earlier but didn't think you'd need but now you NEED it!
18. Stab them with it.
19. Ok now embrace. Dissolve into your wedding day.
20. Congrats! You are now great at swordfighting.