1. Get psyched. Spring cleaning! Here we go! You're a grownup!
2. Well, not even a grownup can clean without music. Maybe you should just make a fun playlist real quick before-- NO. No distractions. Cleaning.
3. Okay. First things first. That huge messy pile of papers and mail on your desk.
4. Wow, you really don't want to go through all those pieces of paper.
5. Just, uh...make the huge messy pile into a smaller, slightly tidier pile.
6. Whoa. There was so much dust under those papers. How is there this much dust in your room? Where is it COMING from? HOW???
7. Sweep up shocking amounts of dust into a dustpan.
8. Notice the line of dirt created by the gap between the floor and the dustpan.
9. Sweep that up.
10. But now there's another line.
12. Eh, that's good enough for your room. Time for the kitchen!
13. Well, it's technically POSSIBLE that your roommate is planning to eat this rotten salad that came with his Seamless order three months ago. So you really can't clean the fridge, even if you wanted to.
14. Should you do the dishes in the sink? They're not YOUR dishes. Well, okay, that fork is yours. And that bowl. But that's it. You certainly don't want to set a precedent that your roommate can just not clean up and you'll do the dishes for them like some kind of OPPRESSED CINDERELLA FIGURE.
15. You could just clean that fork and bowl and leave the rest. But is that too passive-aggressive?
17. But you'd rather be passive-aggressive than wash dishes.
18. Huh. How do people clean...surfaces? You have that one bottle of Windex that your mom got you. You can use that for everything, right? But you need some kind of sponge or rag to wipe it around with. Surely you're not supposed to use the same sponge you use for your dishes. And you don't want your floor sponge to get floor germs on the counter. Do people just have infinite sets of sponges for the kitchen floor, bathroom floor, bathroom counter, kitchen counter, shower, kitchen table, desk in your room...this sounds like too many sponges? How would you keep track of which sponge is for which surface? Where are clean people STORING all these sponges? Sponge. Sounds kinda funny if you keep saying it. Sponge.
19. Just use a wet paper towel.
20. Oh cool, now bits of shredded wet paper towel are coming off and making a bigger mess than when you started. That's fun.
21. Bathroom time!
22. Huh. Why was I excited about Bathroom Time?
23. Resentfully clean the dried toothpaste out of the sink even though it is clearly not the color of YOUR toothpaste. Jesus, your roommates are MONSTERS. Who just leaves their toothpaste in the sink to HARDEN? You might have to move out.
24. Imagine that your arm is a robot arm and not connected to your body in order to stomach pulling the hair out of the shower drain.
25. Ah. The toilet. The Final Boss of cleaning.
26. You can do this. Deep breaths.
27. Ew, no, don't take deep breaths. You're standing directly in front of a toilet.
28. Before losing your nerve, close your eyes and blindly wiggle the toilet brush around in the toilet for a while.
29. Congratulations! You are definitely not moving out now, because you have officially earned the right to guilt trip your smelly, hairy, disgusting roommates for months.