Inspired by the recent launch of Mingleton, also known as a "Tinder for strangers in the room with you," here are 5 new apps to make dating even less scary!

 

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When you see a hottie you like, your phone automatically sends a text from your best friend's phone to the hottie's best friend's phone asking if they like you back. All the ease of technology, with the nostalgic charm of a 6th grade dance.

 

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First, you rank your preference for every other app user in order. The app mathematically pairs everyone up with their mutually optimal match, and then you are contractually obligated to marry that person and spend the rest of your life with them. You can't get turned down, because it's illegal!

 

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When you indicate interest in someone, your mom, dad, and up to 500 of your friends get to swipe left or right to sign off on them. Why follow your heart when you can crowdsource it?

 

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This app lets you continually rate the person you're already dating. You can virtually agree to "Get a Drink With," "Kiss," or "Have Sex With" your partner, and they'll only be alerted if both of you agree. The app also lets you know when you've both swiped "Love" so you don't have to risk saying it first! Now you can enjoy a full relationship without ANY fear of face-to-face rejection!

 

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Your phone's speakers broadcast a loud voice to all users in your vicinity, saying "I would like to fuck you please". The voice is customizable.

 

Illustrated by John Fisk.