6. The Mob

 

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Over the years we've been so saturated with incredibly awesome mob-related movies and shows that portray the characters so interestingly and three-dimensionally, that someones when real-life mob-related incidents occur, we almost have to remind ourselves "Oh yeah! Those guys are super violent criminals! Not just, like, these crazy kooky characters who've given us hours and hours of riveting entertainment. They should probably stop murdering and, like, racketeering, whatever that is. It's probably bad!"



7. Couples Who Barely Fucking Know Each Other

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In a movie, two people meet, feel a connection, end up being split apart, then we're supposed to root for them to get back together for the entire movie, even though SHE'S getting MARRIED and HE'S getting ALSO MARRIED!!! OH NO! Don't they KNOW they're meant to be together??? STOP BOTH WEDDINGS! TRUE LOVE MUST PREVAIL EVEN IF IT MEANS EATING THE COST OF TWO OPEN-BARS!!!!

In real life, that's called "every fucking day of your life." Maybe you did have a connection with that person, and maybe you could have dated them instead, but they're not better than the person you're already with, unless you accidentally picked someone really shitty. They're just another person, and you want to have sex with them. That's fine! But we don't have to root for your wedding to get interrupted by the guy doing some romantic gesture based on those three minutes you spend together just so you can each fuck someone new.

(Sidenote: I realize The Graduate isn't necessarily PRO-these-characters, it just makes for a fun GIF. The Graduate's pale, tone-deaf imitators are the main culprits.)


8. Gross Destructive Animals

 

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I loved Ratatouille, and love pretty much any movie about traditionally-gross animal protagonists, but that movie does beg the question: Should we be rooting for the restaurant to NOT get rid of the rats? If a restaurant in real life had rats and attempted to dispose of them to comply with the health code and stay open and profitable and put the owner's kids through college and whatnot, would anyone question this decision out of fear that one rat might be a genius chef who understands English and operates a human with hair-puppetry?

Also, fuck that Caddyshack gopher. You're ripping up a country club golf course; of course they're gonna try and stop you. Go dance to Kenny Loggins literally anywhere else.



9. Tiny, Sexy Action Movie Ladies Who Beat Everyone Up

 

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"We don't really have a lot of women in these action movies, besides these super-thin sexy love interests."

"I dunno. What if we just throw in a super-thin sexy female character who wears nothing... but also can somehow beat up shitloads of dudes?"

"Problem solved! Can her top fall off while she's beating up the dude then afterwards she goes DON'T CALL ME 'BABE' then looks at the camera and says 'Hm. Broke a nail'?"

"You are now the PRESIDENT OF HOLLYWOOD!"

 
I'm ALL for women in movies beating the shit out of dudes, I just think more of them should look like they might actually be able to beat the shit out of dudes. Meaning, they should all be Brienne of Tarth.



10. Anyone Under The Age Of Like, 25

 

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Just, shut up. You're fine.

 

(GIFs by Chris Han)