By Caldwell Tanner and Nathan Yaffe
XXX-Men SeXXX Moves
- Tight shot of a scott summers-ey guy making creepy eye contact with a girl as he orgasms. Background is covered with red blasts.
Keep your eyes closed, only open them when you're ready to explode.
- Above the waist shot of rogue touching a guy who looks pale and desiccated.
Touch your partner until they're completely depleted.
- Hand holding a condom that reads "99% Effective against Telepathy (and also Pregnancy I guess)
Cover your head with protection, then never stop going.
- Iceman looking sad at the edge of the bed holding a bottle of "Old Man Logan" brand whiskey. Girl in the bed looks annoyed.
Play it smooth, then freeze up at the last second.
- Magneto standing at the foot of the bed, Charles beckons to him while saying "no no, leave the helmet on." Magneto is grinning deviously.
Change positions and then fuck your partner so hard that their entire lower half goes numb.
The Jean Grey
- A Phoenix-esque Jean Gray shouting while a startled Wolverine wakes up suddenly.
Pretend to be asleep, then rise up with a burning passion that won't subside until your partner stabs you repeatedly.
- A woman walking away while Beast hangs from the ceiling, confused.
Try experimenting with something new, but end up just giving yourself blue balls.
The Quick Silver
- Quicksilver-looking guy squeezed in between two muscular guys. One has a FOX tattoo, the other a DISNEY one.
Get double teamed by two massive entities.
The Days of Future Past
- Bishop surrounded by a bed full of random x-men looking confused.
Put as many of these moves as you can into one move and hope it turns out good.