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The classic "If anyone has a reason why these two should not be wed, speak now or forever hold your peace" line gets uttered in every movie wedding, which always leaves the door open for a long-lost lover to burst in and set things right, or a loveable hero who's onto the "scheme" of the wedding to interrupt it RIGHT before the evil bride steals the groom's secret treasure-fortune, or just a good old "someone shouts out something wacky" (this is the most common reason why anything in movie weddings occurs).


I've been to probably 15 weddings and maybe heard this part once? And why would a couple ever want this? Are they expecting some uncle to come forward and present well-argued bullet points against their matrimony, leading them to very logically nod and reconsider? "Good thing we included that 'forever hold your peace' part, 'cause Uncle Mike really made a strong argument. Guess we'll eat the cost of this, but crisis averted. Thanks for coming, everyone!"



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Tipsy Grownup: "You! Guy standing near the bride and groom! Give an impromptu speech about them right now!"

Main Character: "GULP! But I don't even KNOW th-- uhhh ummmm" [starts sweating cause he snuck into the wedding and also just accidentally ate pot brownies]

Tipsy Grownup: "Stop being unreasonable and just deliver an off-the-cuff speech in front of hundreds of relatives because I saw you near the bride and groom and declared this! What is the problem?"

Main Character: "Uhhh nothing! GULP!!! Here we go.... Uhhh... Love is a funny... thing.... PENIS. OH NO I said penis! Ignore that! Uhhh.... Oh man"



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Nothing RIDICULOUS happens to the cake at weddings. No one dives into it, no French waiter is carrying it and slips and it goes up in the air and lands on the stuffy aunt-in-law who acts all shocked, it just gets cut and served, and is usually just-kind-of-ok.

To help keep this straight, here's a simple "What Not To Do Cake-Wise" Guide courtesy of the November Rain Music Video:

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Movie Crowd: Eleven angry Father-In-Laws all sneering with their arms crossed, tapping their feet impatiently as the sheepish speaker hesitates and the microphone makes a pitiful feedback noise.

Real-Life Crowd: Everyone's laughing at everything because they're all drinking and no one gives a shit. Also, it's a dad talking about his daughter in front of friends and family, not Open Mic Night at The Apollo.



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In Real Life, it's the Best Man's job to lightly rib the groom with borderline-inappropriate or embarrassing stories to make him red-faced and let the mother-in-law jokingly scowl at him.


In Movies, it's the Best Man's job to be ultra-drunk and completely unaware of even the most basic rules of propriety and instantly bring up a SUPER detailed, sexual story about an orgy they had in Tijuana with 47 STD-ridden Mexican stripper-prostitutes who are also all somehow the groom's exes AND the bride's sisters.



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In movies, the "Bouquet Throw" -- like the "speak now or forever hold your peace" scene -- is always going to be either incredibly significant/symbolic or incredibly wacky.

Real Life weddings either have no bouquet throw, or it's this goofy, half-assed "gotta do this" tradition thing where someone who's already in a 7-year relationship finally has the confidence to pick the thing up (or, if it's an America's Funniest Home Videos entry from 1994, the bouquet lands in the arms of a pimple-faced 12-year-old boy and the '90s-looking-crowd goes apeshit.)



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"Thanks for flying in, hundreds of friends and family members, but we're gonna hop in our pre-packed limo and scoot right on over to the airport this second to fly to Maui! Thanks for seeing us for three hours! You can all feel free to, like, get brunch together tomorrow or whatever."



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Movie: "Well, I don't love this guy I'm about to marry, and he WAS rude to that waitress in the one scene so we all know he's a jerk, but at least he has money and it's what my family wants. Plus that other guy with the heart of gold who I secretly like was being aggressively kissed by someone else when I burst in on him planning to profess my love, and there's no way that was a misunderstanding (guess he loves that awful rival girl!) so that's out the window. Oh well. On with the wedding... SIGH........"

Real-Life: [A Wedding Happens]