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Source: goal.com

 

 

1. Call it "soccer." If anyone refers to this ball-foot game as anything crazy like "football," correct the idiot.

 

2. Don't ask questions--unless, of course, they're obnoxious and absolutely will not lead to you learning anything about soccer. Like "People really watch this?"

 

2. Pronounce the players' names wrong. "Wa-y-NE Ro-ONE-y?" I mean, what even is that?

 

3. Complain. Now that you've seen a half or halve--Who knows? It's IMPOSSIBLE to tell with the clock counting up--and definitely understand the game, you are totally in a position to call soccer "boring" and the players "babies."

 

4. Get a "U.S.A." chant started. If people are going to be IN YOUR FACE about their country with their shirts and, well, just shirts--oh, I see a scarf!--you might as well get to yelling. Assuming you haven't already.

 

5. Lose interest in the American team the second you're no longer chanting.

 

6. Drink heavily and repeat steps 1-5, but louder and with someone who is actually trying to watch the game's STUPID scarf on.


7. Go back to watching REAL football (reporters freaking out because Johnny Manziel swallowed a penny).