We, the greatest minds in the field of game theory, have added baseball to the slowly growing list of solved games. Up until now, solved games, games whose outcomes can be predicted as long as players utilize a certain strategy, only included small two player games such as Checkers, Tic-Tac-Toe, and Connect Four, but now America's pastime has joined that exclusive list of no longer enjoyable games.
Using our mathematically proven "Always Hit a Home Run" strategy, the away team can never lose a single game of baseball, provided a linear time progression and human players. Since the away team bats first, an infinite amount of back-to-back home runs will never allow the home team to bat, thus giving them no way to win the game.
Our theoretical findings have been verified by simulation after infinitely long simulation. Variables such as weather conditions, team name, and mascot likability were all taken into consideration, yet proved meaningless as long as a player hits a home run at every at bat. Surprising even to us was that fact that even if every player on the away team bunts, they still cannot be defeated as long as each bunt sends the ball over one of the outfield walls in fair territory. So much for home field advantage.
This breaking of the game is clearly something the inventors of baseball overlooked or kept secret, much like the rule that hats aren't mandatory, in order to increase profits. It's difficult to get an audience if the spectators already know how the game will end. Refer to our paper on the Harlem Globetrotters for more information on this phenomenon.
Prior to releasing our findings publicly, we consulted with the Major League Baseball association. They claimed our research was "both absurd and impractical," and then asked to see our scientific credentials. Upon seeing our credentials, they said our research was "both absurd and impractical" but referred to us as doctors as they ushered us out of their building. Yet, just like Galileo in his disputes with the Catholic Church over whether the Earth revolved around the Sun (it does), we shall be proven right. Then the church of baseball will owe us an apology and hopefully a few game-used baseballs.
Can the game of baseball be corrected so this loophole can no longer be exploited? Perhaps.
One way would have both teams batting at the exact same time. Even if the "Always Hit a Home Run" strategy is employed, the game would ultimately end in a theoretical draw with the score of infinity to infinity.
However, since people enjoy sports with a clear winner and loser, the most logical change to null the effects of our strategy is obvious. Simply turn baseball into hockey, a sport where even an infinite amount home runs amounts to nothing.
It's always a momentous occasion when the field of mathematics displays the power of human ingenuity to crack a complex game and guarantee an end result. Sure, from now on there will be a distinct line separating pre-solved baseball and post-solved baseball, but baseball's place in our hearts will never change. It will always be far below math.