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1. Wait, electricity is how much?

It is flat-out shocking when you have to start adding in your utility bill to your expenses. Practice budgeting now so you're never stuck in an Abe Lincoln moment, reading by candlelight (I don't think Lincoln read the cooking instructions for instant ramen, but hey, same struggle).

 

2. Wait, the INTERNET is how much?!

What a rip off, right? How do they get away with it? Too bad it's essentially a part of your life the way eating and sleeping are. Unless you become one of those weirdos who eschews social media. *shudders*

 

3. WAIT. I PAY FOR EVERYTHING?!

Oh yeah -- water, trash, phone bills, gym membership, student loans, that late night rounds of pizzas for everyone you thought was a great idea -- it's time to sit back, relax, and start panicking over the accumulation a lifetime of debt!

 

4. Oh no. Did I really go through an experimental rastafarian phase?

One of the best parts of college is character development. Without going through that phase, you would not have the self-aware now to say, "oh my God, what was I thinking with that dumb dreadlocks hat"? And that keen sense of self-awareness, my friends, is the first step towards adulthood.

 

5. My college ID doesn't get me discounts anymore?

"But I'm still a student in spirit," you may bemoan. Still, that ID isn't good anymore. Yes, movies cost $13 and upwards. No, most of them aren't any good. Sure, public parks are free -- try that!

 

6. My job starts what time?

Rise and shine, little slacker. Unless you're working the graveyard shift, you're most likely transitioning from the ability to skip class at 10 in the morning to waking up much earlier than that so you can sit in traffic for an hour listening to morning zoo radio.  

 

7. I might never see these people again.

Just like high school, you probably made lifelong friendships that can't be broken. And just like high school, you're likely to completely forget these people and move on to your new life, taking improv classes and blogging about how expensive Brooklyn is.

 

8. I will never have this kind of freedom again.

Enjoy the summer off -- travel, hang out with your family, flirt with someone cute, make big plans for the future. Because chances are you may end up having to immediately go work a gig with awful fluorescent lighting where you have to clock in with your fingerprint and your kleptomaniac cube neighbor keeps stealing all of your yogurt.

 

9. My body is slowly dying?!?

You've been dying since the day you were born, baby! Get ready for knotty necks, weird aches for no reason and a steady, sharp decline in your metabolism. What do your relatives look like? Not good? Oh, dear. Maybe you got some...other genetic strands?


10. I don't know if I can do it.

You can. Go, little [INSERT YOUR COLLEGE MASCOT HERE], be brave and bold in your new world! Ahhhh FUCK ME GODDAMIT. Fuck. I stood up too fast. Now my spine is fucked. OW. THIS HURTS. What's this in my pocket, a bill alert that I only have $22 in my checking account? Fuuuuuuck. Anyway, WOOO ADULT FREEDOM!