The following is a conversation that occurred over text between Gunson and Biff on a rainy May afternoon.

 

1.

So many doo doos

Such a tiny little bowl

The dukes still come

 

2.

My fear is rising

Not unlike the toilet bowl

I should flush it soon

 

3.

Plentiful the dukes

My toilet is truly blessed

It runneth over

 

4.

I am captain shit

Wear a toilet paper cape

Pooper hero dude

 

5.

I dreamed of a sea

And sailed my brown armada

Every vessel sank

 

6.

A stall separates

A sudden echoing blast

A moment is shared

 

7.

The reltney* plunges

Proud and noble it grazes

The back of my sack

 *A "reltney" is a turd so large it breaches the surface of the water, coined by Gunson's dad. Enjoy that one.

 

8.

Hot brown popsicle

Perfect fit for hot dog bun

Where's my grey poupon

 

9.

A storm is coming

Far from my white throne's safety

Drops run down my leg

 

10.

An anaconda

Slithers out of my ass

Finding a hole to die in

 

11.

A dull thunder rolls

Eyes search the room for something

The nose will find first

 

12.

Brown in every spot

Not one spot is missing it

I miss my dinner

 

13.

Diarrhea spills

The stall is darkly splattered

Poopy massacre

 

14.

Is it that time now

One can only speculate

The cramp confirms it

 

15.

Traitor in my pants

Return to your dark cavern

Fearful turtlehead

 

16.

Toilets are white right?

Not this one today, oh no

Today it is brown

 

17.

Bed sheets thick with poop

Vandalizing dukes at night

My wife painted brown

 

18.

Wish it was a fart

Turns out it was much much worse

I pooped my pants now

 

19.

Pressure in the rear

Safety of a harmless fart?

Or treacherous dukes?

  

20.

Tighty white-ees, nope

Wet and brownies more like it

Who knew I owned both

 

21.

Just took a shower

Farts herald a mighty shit

I must bathe again

 

22.

Porcelain God calls

He beckons me to his throne

Today god is real

 

23.

Thick and soupy poops

I feed the famished toilet

My brown doo doo stew

 

24.

Time to change the diaper

Please be just peepee in there

Nope, it's brown, it stinks

 

25.

Long the battle raged

I decide to clean the field

There is no tp

 

26.

Why would I flush it?

I have so many to show

Should take a picture

 

27.

Here, my brown canoe

For all of the world to see

Pride denies the flush

 

28.

Nine kurricks in weight

A respectable dropping

Time to flush and part

 

29.

I hurriedly shit

Where is the toilet paper?

And where is my god?

 

30.

Poop haiku for you

Stinky is the common theme

All the same inside

 

31.

I banished my poop

It sleeps in a wat'ry grave

More will be exiled

 

32.

Dense, massive turd balls

Doo doo singularities

Born in a black hole

 

33.

Lay your burden down

Be not encumbered of dukes

Let them slide away

 

34.

Slippery the poo

The slithering doo doo eel

Will not be restrained

 

35.

Porcelain altar

Behold sacrificial poops

Bless the faithful ass