Images courtesy of Shutterstock.com
By Caldwell Tanner
Completely Unhelpful PSAs
Image: A large picture of a spider coming out of a shoe.
Over 43,678 species of spiders inhabit every corner of the planet earth, and there's literally nothing you can do about it.
Condoms are 99% GUARANTEED
to be shaped like a penis.
Image: A girl handing a guy a condom and smiling
Factory malfunctions CAN HAPPEN.
Be safe. Know the facts.
In Case of a Fire, please DO NOT READ THIS SIGN.
Image: A simple restroom-style figure of man on fire reading a sign. A red crossed-through circle is layered on top of this image.
Signs cannot extinguish fires.
This message brought to you by the Center for the Practical Limitations of Signage.
Dragons DO NOT EXIST.
Image: Picture of a cool dragon.
Sucks, but it's true.
Image of a dollar bill snorting up cocaine.
Drugs are like, REALLY GOOD.
You shouldn't do them but man they're awesome.
Eh, maybe just do mushrooms a few times. They're pretty safe I hear.
Image: Stock photo of a family talking to each other in a comfortable living room.
HEY Just a quick followup on that whole SPIDER THING.
They still exist and are BASICALLY EVERYWHERE YOU ARE.
Speak with your friends and family today about how fucking terrifying spiders are.
Human BEINGs are 100% Likely to Die at Some Point in Their Lifetimes.
Image: Picture of a Cool Shrugging skeleton
Talk to your doctor today about how you will eventually cease to exist.
Paid for by the Society for the Preservation of Whatever Man Who Even Cares Anymore