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You may recall that the erotic potential of Spiderman's powers was briefly explored in the 2002 film, but that upside-down kiss left us with some major spidey-blue balls. I mean, you KNOW Petey P and MJ had a full on upside-down BONE SESH that ended up on the cutting room floor because focus groups were getting TOO turned on.



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Well, duh. You could hold your partner up in all KINDS of weird positions without getting tired. Ain't no way Clark Kent was boinking Lois Lane while LYING DOWN ON A BED. Please. They did it standing up. And not against a wall, either. Straight-up in the middle of the room.



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Given the power to look like anyone in the universe, why would you ever choose to not look like a total babe and have sex with other total babes? Maybe if you had, like, a lot of work to catch up on one day and you didn't want people knocking down your door for sex. That's reasonable. Everyone needs to stay in once in a while. But the rest of the time, c'mon.



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If you had the power to stop time WHENEVER you wanted, you would probably get zero crime-fighting done, because you'd just stop time when you're mid-you-know-what and never start it again. No, I'm not going to tell you what "you-know-what" means. You KNOW what. (Ugh, fine. Orgasm. It means orgasm. Are you happy?)