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Ugh the Friendzone, the 100% real and terrible wasteland where nice guys are cast just because they're actual gentleman. I mean when are these sluts gonna stop dating douchebag paupers and go for the nice guy prince right? Here's some surefire signs that you've been chucked into the cruel abyss of platonic friendship.

 

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She asks you to watch Dick and Jane with her but, then that Jane doesn't suck your Dick? Well sorry but, she just wants to be friends. And she is terrible at discriminating the library of Jim Carrey's works.

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Have you ever hung out and she'll put her hair back but not in attempt to ready herself to be mouth banged? It's probably because she's dating some Douchebag DJ named Logan.

 

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When she's all like "Sometimes I feel like he doesn't care about me" and you're all like "I care about you" but then she doesn't realize that's when she should put her mouth on it, she's obviously not interested in you.

 

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If your crush thinks of you as brother but doesn't specify that your penis is more like a distant cousin, then I'm afraid it's not gonna happen.

   

 

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Does she ever acknowledge your accomplishments or congratulate you on a promotion? But then she doesn't follow it up with "I'm going to put your penis in my mouth now"? It's cuz she only dates jerks.

 

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IT'S LIKE DON'T BOTHER COMING TO MY GRANDFATHER'S WAKE IF YOU'RE NOT GONNA CRADLE MY PENIS IN YOUR CHEEKS, DENISE.

 

 

Basically, if you're around a human woman and she's NOT on her knees and eager to please then sorry dude but, that slut has chucked you in the friendzone. Go ahead and put that slut in the slutzone with the other sluts who don't know how to blow a nice guy's dick when they see one. Sluts.

 

Designed by Rebecca Caplan. Background image courtesy of Shuttestock.com.