1. Kissing Someone While They're in the Middle of a Sentence

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Talking is not just a cute thing to do when you're bored in between makeout seshes. Well, sometimes it is. But usually, when a person is saying words, it's because they want the person they are speaking to to listen to those words, not heedlessly attack them with their lips and tongue. But isn't body language a way to express feelings that cannot be articulated in words, you ask? Yes, absolutely. Beautiful, complicated feelings like "I don't care what you think. Just gimme dat BOD."

 

2. Not Taking No for an Answer

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When a movie character continues pursuing someone after they've made it clear that they're not interested, it's persistent and brave. When a human being does it, it's just strange. Why would you try to force someone to like you if they don't? Do you really want to be on a date with someone who doesn't want to be there?

Also, who are these psychotically confident movie characters who don't let rejection faze them in the slightest? If I asked someone out and they straight-up said NO, I would literally never speak to that person again, because I, like all REAL HUMAN BEINGS, am an insecure coward.

 

3. Seeing Someone Hot and Telling Your Friend "I'm Gonna Marry That Girl"

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THIS IS SO WEIRD. You cannot possibly know that you like someone that much after just seeing their appearance. Sure, she's beautiful, but what if she's like, a Neo-Nazi? You're already LOCKED IN to marrying her now. And P.S., what makes you so sure she's going to want to marry YOU? Conceited. She's prob already engaged to Hitler's great-grandson or something.

 

4. Stealing Their Clothes

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Wearing your boyfriend/hookup's shirt to bed makes sense if you went over to his place in a tight dress or something. And it kind of makes sense to then wear his clothes home the next morning so you don't have to get back into your nighttime clothes. And it KIIIIND OF makes sense to continue wearing his shirt that day so you can remember being with him and smelling him and stuff. But the next time you see him, you can give him his shirt back. It's his shirt. It belongs to him. You can't just take people's shit.

 

5. Showing Up at Their House Without Calling

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If anyone did this in the real world, it would be insanely weird and off-putting. And if they did, you wouldn't have a dramatic reconciliation. You'd have, at best, an awkward convo peppered with comments like, "I can't believe you just...CAME OVER. I mean, no, it's fine. Really, I wasn't doing anything. Come in, I guess?"

Even if they're not answering your calls and you NEED to see them in person to explain a terrible misunderstanding, it takes like, 10 seconds MOST to shoot them a text that's like "hey i'm gonna stop by later." You don't even need to wait for a response. A heads-up would just be a nice courtesy, is all.

 

6. Showing Up Soaking Wet Anywhere

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Jesus, get a hold of yourself. You're dripping water everywhere. And you've probably caught a cold, and that means now you're going to give the person you're about to kiss that same cold, which is very inconsiderate. Buy an umbrella. NEXT!

 

7. Confessing Your Love When You're Still Dating Someone Else

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Yeah yeah, someone's leaving the country and it's someone else's mom's funeral and blah blah blah. The timing is never ever going to be delicate enough to justify confessing your love to one person while you're still dating another. Break up with your significant other first and THEN tell your hot babe work rival that you can't stop thinking about them, idiot. They'll probably still reject you because you're a dumbass who only wants what you can't have, but at least you'll know you conducted yourself in a way that won't make someone you once loved feel like hot garbage.

 

8. Inconveniencing the General Population With Your Love

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It's sweet in movies when characters make bold statements of love at a sporting event or in a publication that a LOT OF OTHER PEOPLE other than their singular beloved are trying to enjoy. In reality, this is crazy town. We aren't going to hold up the Big Game so you can get a smooch or watch the dirtbag who cheated on you sing his way back into your heart. Make your grand gesture on your own time, okay? People's families are here. IT'S NOT ALL ABOUT YOU. GOD.