Adam Ruins Everything
Jake and Amir
21 Signs You Spend Too Much Time on Your Phone
July 17, 2014
Image courtesy of
1. Your first thought upon seeing your new baby cousin for the very first time is "Valencia filter, no border."
2. You plan your day around known charger locations.
3. You occasionally feel your thigh vibrate out of nowhere, so you're pretty sure you know what phantom limb syndrome feels like.
4. You have tried to swipe open a book.
5. You judge people by the pattern on their iPhone case.
6. When your phone is dead, and someone asks you what the weather is like, your first instinct is to say "I don't know" -- rather than look outside or simply open the front door.
7. When you close your eyes, you see Candy Crush combos.
8. This year you have spent more time arbitrarily scrolling through your Camera Roll than you have reading a newspaper.
9. When you wake up in the morning, you check your Facebook notifications before you take a sip of water.
10. Books make you twitch with anxiety.
11. You have at least once made the conscious and reasoned decision that a trip to the bathroom without your phone is probably not worth it.
12. You have a two-second panic attack anytime anything falls on the floor.
13. When packing, you double-check to make sure you have your charger 11 times but then forget underwear.
14. You try to turn down the brightness on the sun.
15. You double tap pictures in photo albums in an attempt to like them.
16. You wish you could take a screenshot with your eyes.
17. You get excited when you're at a bar and your friend goes to the bathroom.
18. You can't find the words to express the emoji you want to use.
19. You can text faster than you can type on a keyboard.
20. You have used Snapchat as a metaphor for death.
21. You think that "Social Security Number" means your iPhone lock screen code.
We like you. Do you like us too?
Don't ask me again.