Okay, party animal. Time to buckle down. You've got that HUGE un-skippable thing tomorrow morning, so tonight you HAVE to get some rest. Before you start winding down, however, let's go over your checklist just one more time so you know EXACTLY what's about to happen. No exceptions!
You can definitely be there on time if you wake up at 6 a.m, but just to be safe we should probably go ahead and set it for 5:45 a.m.
The more you think about it, 5:45 a.m. seems like overkill. Let's just split the difference and call it, oh, 5:59 a.m.? That should be fine.
This should be easy, actually, considering you have precisely ONE clean outfit that looks presentable. Lay it out beside your bed with the shirt on top and the pants on bottom like there's an invisible person taking a nap in there. It wouldn't look right any other way, that's why!
What is it, 8 p.m.? Okay, well that means you have two hours to relax and have fun, then it's straight to bed!
...at 11:50 p.m. Just perfect. Hope those two extra episodes of Arrow were worth waking up like Chewbacca six hours from now.
That is a real thing, right? Might as well give it a shot. One.....two....three....
Ugh, 12:35 a.m.? You literally just laid down like two minutes ago.
It feels like it might be a cold sore. Go ahead and run your tongue over it, oh, let's say, thirty-five times in a row, then we'll see.
Oh yeah, sheep. Umm...five? Six....seven....
1:13 a.m.? How the fuck is it 1:13 a.m. already? Is this thing broken?
Yup, definitely a cold sore.
Holy shit how could you forget about that time you sharted in class two seconds before the fire alarm went off? Who forgets something like that?
Sorry that counting sheep is literally the most BORING concept humanity has ever conceived! How about we see how many sheep we can imagine murdering with our bare hands one after another? One...two...three...
Then wake up in a confused panic, worried that you overslept.
2:48 a.m.? You are so fucked.
Just seems like a nice thing to do considering how hard you've FUCKED yourself tonight. Okay, okay. This really isn't the time.
Is it possible to sleep angry and depressed? Find out.
Howl like Chewbacca. Told you.
Fake your death if you have to.