Illustrated by Paul Westover.
By Will Stephen
Shuffle Your Opinions As Quickly As Possible Before They Pile Up and Fuck Over Your Career!
Image: fitting words and phrases in different tetris shapes to fit each other:
"I NEVER SUPPORTED THAT, PER SE"
"YOU HAVE MY TOTAL SUPPORT"
"IT WAS A JUST WAR"
"NO, I AM PRO-CIVIL UNIONS"
"WELL, WE DIDN'T HAVE ALL THE FACTS THEN"
"I SUPPORT EQUAL RIGHTS, BUT"
On one side, they're piling up almost to the top with a pop-up bubble saying: "UH OH! YOU'RE ALMOST A CONSULTANT FOR CABLE NEWS!"
Blood Rebuttal: a First Person Debater
You have two minutes to respond. Or your career is dead.
Image: A first person shooter screen at a podium for a debate. You see papers on the podium, a glass of water, two hands (wearing a suit), a microphone, a moderator, an opponent, and an audience full of people. One hand is waving and the screen shows up in font dripping blood "DEFLECTED"
TOOLS box on side: BULLSHIT TALKING POINTS (74), TEARJERKER SMALL BUSINESS OWNER STORIES (48), JOKES ABOUT YOUR WIFE (2), RACIST SLURS (4), FACTS (1), CHAINSAW (1)
HEALTH bar: high
MORAL HEALTH: low (blinking)
Combine Campaign Promises to Watch Them All Explode!
Image: instead of candies, they're different faces looking angry - an Old Woman, a Military Guy, a black kid, a Gay Couple, a doctor, a Moustached Guy in a Cowboy Hat -- a row of them exploding
The truth is out. The people have awoken. And they want answers.
Image: Horrifying Silent Hill style hallway, normal citizens looking like zombies coming toward a guy in a suit, saying "DONATIONS? FROM WHERE?"
Man in the suit is swinging a rusty crowbar
Tea Party Party!
Get Your Country Back with Over 70 New Mini-Government Mini-Games!
Bubble: "They Can't Tax Fun! ...Yet!"
Image: Ted Cruz, Rand Paul, Ron Paul, Herman Cain, army of birthers with Nobama signs, etc in Mario Party-style animation pumping fists in the air.
Gobble Those Funds! They're For Your Own Independent Use (Kind Of)!
But Watch Out for Those Scaaaary Lawyers!
Image: Pac Man board.
High Score: >$1000
the dots are $ signs
inside the Jail is a Politician covering his eyes
the ghosts are Lawyers with suitcases chasing PAC Man around
Suppress Suppress Revolution!
Squash 'Em, Sucka!
Image: a man in a suit stamping on different constitutions (in place of DDR mat) looking at screen saying Visitation Rights, Access to Voting, Affordable Health Care, Net Neutrality