There's nothing quite like a TRUE New York Bodega: They're part deli, part grocery store, part liquor store, and part 'place to lean mops', all wrapped up in one convenient probably-illegal shop full of stepstools!

 

Ever wonder how you can start your OWN New York Bodega?? It's easy! Just follow these 7 Simple Steps and you'll be selling stamps and 40s to underagers faster than you can say "three fifty, Boss."

 

 

STEP 1: Decorate your building with a haphazard photo-collage of Coffee, Bagels, a Sandwich, and a bunch of other random shit you clearly don't sell.

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STEP 2: Put up a sign with a bunch of random almost-correct words on it.

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STEP 3: Time to name your store! Remember to pick a name that's either WAY too vague and forgettable, or WAY too fancy and ambitious.

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STEP 4: Stock your shelves with the Weirdest GOYA Canned Foods you can find.

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STEP 5: Anytime someone buys a drink, give them the necessary accessories:

 


- Straw

- Black Bag

- Paper Towels

- Plastic Knife, Fork, Spoon, and Spork

- Tiny Paper Bags (For Cans)

- Large Paper Bags (For Storing The Small Paper Bags)

- Giant Paper Bags (To Crawl Into And Sack-Race Your Friends Home)

- Five More Straws

- Stolen Prepaid Calling Card

- One Straw To Rule Them All

- Illustrated Road Atlas of the US and Canada

- Helper Monkey



STEP 6: Make a menu of cool "Specialty" Deli Sandwiches.

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STEP 7: Now find a cat and let it roam free in the store and you're done!


If the cat proves reliable, teach it how to sell stolen batteries and promote it to night manager.

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Also let the cat sell drugs and launder money so you can remain profitable.

And that's all there is to it! Now fire up that grill ;-)