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Oh, you know how to create a Word document? You can type stuff in that document? You can also save that document?? If you were born after 1980, we can go ahead and consider this a given. If, for some reason, you just emerged from a lifetime of living under a rock in the woods, well, you should still probably be able to use Word. It's pretty simple.

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 Unless someone specifically asks for your SAT scores, you can safely assume that they don't care. The truth is that the only people on Earth who care about SAT scores are college admission officers, and most of them stopped understanding what they meant when the College Board switched to the 2400 point model. So, actually, no. No one cares.
 

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Like SAT scores, GPAs should be reserved for a need to know basis. If you haven't been asked for your GPA and you don't have a 4.0, just don't put it in your resume. Saying nothing is better than saying 3.3. And, honestly, for a lot of jobs you can probably just lie. It doesn't matter. Whether you got an A or a C in that 17th Century Sonnets elective really has no bearing on your ability to do whatever monotonous task you're applying to do.

 

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Unless you're applying for another job as a camp counselor, or that job is literally the only work experience you have, you can cut it. If you're young, no potential employer is going to expect you to have a storied career history. Trying to puff up your work experience by referring to your time at Camp Tevya as "leadership experience in a high pressure environment" is obvious bullshit. You were making friendship bracelets and trying to hook up with the hot counselor two bunks over. We know.

 

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Unless you're actually a graphic designer, don't try to play around with colors or any kind of fancy borders or junk. In all likelihood, the person who is looking at your resume is either getting some black and white, patchy-inked printout from an ancient office printer, or they just opened it horizontally as five separate .TIFF files in their janky, barely-working version of Microsoft Exchange 98. All your hard work will just look like shit. And, honestly, unless you ARE a graphic designer, it probably looked like shit anyway.

 

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Even if you were the last person alive to get a Gmail address, you should have still managed to get yourself a username that is some iteration of your name, even if it requires giving yourself some extra middle initials. There is no excuse for OtakuDave@Hotmail.com, FrankensteinBONER14@gmail.com, or whatever.other.nonsense684@gmail.com. Your emails will go right into the spam folder.

 

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These words are like a big, shiny arrow pointing out the fact that you had some kind of bullshit social media marketing job that you didn't actually understand. Don't write "ninja" when you really just mean "sometimes had to do more than one specific task." You definitely shouldn't be using these idiotic words if you're applying for another social media marketing something job. It's 2014, those are legitimate jobs. Unlike ninjas.

 

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Unless you've spent the past 20 years steadily working a series of varied jobs that are somehow all relevant in unique ways to the job you are applying for now, you should be able to confine your information to one page. If you're under the age of 30 and your resume is longer than one page, it's because you included all the useless garbage this list just told you to cut. And, come on, no one has ever done more than haphazardly skimmed random chunks of a resume anyway. They just hire the person they know. You're probably no better off if you follow this advice or not. It's all pointless.

 

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