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Let's see... two pairs of underwear, three shirts, and one pair of jeans with a mystery stain. If my math is correct, that's at least another week of clothing right there. There's no reason to do laundry right now like some kind of tryhard. Put it off for a few more days; what's the worst that could happen?

 

 

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I guess "the worst that could happen" is that all of your clothes are gross now and you have nothing to wear. This is the stage where most people would just go ahead and do laundry, but NOT YOU, you handsome rebel. You're about to engage in a dangerous, high stakes game of clothing deception.

Here's the protip: take the clothes that you wore in front of your work friends, and then wear them again in front of your regular friends, and vice versa. Now you're getting double duty out of your clothes, and no one has to know what a sad, disgusting slob you are! Sounds like a win-win to me.

 

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Alright, you've re-worn all of your cool clothes, and now things are getting desperate. Time to go spelunking in the deep, dark recesses of your closet where all of your most embarrassing and ill-fitting clothing rightfully resides.

Try to find the things that can most easily be passed off as ironic, and adopt an air of casual indifference. People will think you're cool and ambivalent instead of just incredibly lazy!

 

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You know, it's been like a week since you put some of those clothes in the hamper. What if you were overzealous, and they weren't really THAT dirty? It was a different time back then, a time of plenty; who knows what mistakes you could have made in your hubris?

Grab a couple of those shirts from the bottom of the hamper and give them a good whiff. If they don't smell like dog farts and old burritos then they are ready for round two.

 

 

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The Smell Test has failed you. Every garment you own has taken on the pure, revolting essence of men's locker room, and the stench is starting to spread to your bedroom at large. You've come this far though, and you're not giving in to Big Laundry just yet.

Find the articles of clothing that assault your senses the least, and give them a thorough dousing in air freshener. It's a quick and dirty solution, but as long as no one gets too close, you should be able to hide safely in your miasma of shame and "fresh-cut wildflowers".

 

 

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Desperate times call for desperate measures. Nothing so desperate as actually doing a load of laundry, but I mean, still pretty desperate. What you need is a fresh start, a clean slate, a full re-do.

Take all of the clothes out of your hamper and fold them back up. It's common knowledge that the act of folding a piece of clothing cleanses it of all impurities, so it's probably fine. All you need is one more go-round, and then you'll definitely do laundry.

 

 

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Listen, doing laundry is hard. You have to load things, push buttons, wait around, and then, as if that wasn't enough, you have to UNLOAD things. It's ridiculous and you're not going to stand for it anymore.

After some intense soul searching, you make the conscious effort to ascend beyond the need for physical coverings, and begin your new life free of society's 65% cotton and 35% polyester shackles.

Freedom has never felt so free.