Sporty Aunt only comes to your sports events. She has no time for musicals or piano recitals. Sporty Aunt plans ski vacations in winter and hiking vacations in the summer. Sporty Aunt loves Under Armor and water socks. God help your artsy cousin who was born to Sporty Aunt.
All Over the Place Aunt has a haunted past. She smokes often, but you've never actually seen her with a cigarette. She has a really old boyfriend who smells like curry and who insists on kissing you on the lips when he greets you. She will disappear and reappear at Thanksgiving, but you won't have noticed until dessert. All Over the Place Aunt loves talking about yoga and crystals. All Over the Place Aunt never takes off her sunglasses or her sweater. All Over the Place Aunt will stress out your friends.
Cool Aunt found an awesome rain slicker poncho with anchors on it, and knew you had to have it. Cool Aunt brought you a headlight when you started college so you could read without disrupting your roommate. She found the best umbrella for you when she was in San Jose, and even though it isn't retractable, she really thinks you're going to get a lot of good use out of it. Cool Aunt knows you don't like preppy clothes and Lilly Pulitzer, so she got you this ribbon belt. Cool Aunt will never know how boring her presents are. Cool Aunt is not cool.
Artsy Aunt lives in Michigan, but won't shut up about when she lived in the East Village in the late 70s. She prides herself on her vast collection of folk art jewelry, and if you're lucky, she'll give you an oversized wooden broach or a ceramic and leather bolero necklace when you visit her. Artsy Aunt's kids give the impression they were homeschooled, but they weren't. Both of Artsy Aunt's kids wear dragon t-shirts. Artsy Aunt, you and your family are out of touch.
Baby Aunt is your age. Baby Aunt still wears sweatpants with words on the butt, and she runs track. Baby Aunt thinks it's hilarious to call you her "little niece/nephew" and slap you on the back. Baby Aunt doesn't understand that when she hits you in the back it really fucking hurts. That joke got old about six months after you both started kindergarten. Shut up, Baby Aunt. Nobody else thinks its that big of a deal that you're technically an aunt.