Are you tired of going out drinking with your friends every night and obsessing about who to have sex with, but also stressed out by constantly thinking about your career?

You may be ready to pick up a hobby! And then get frustrated with it and put it down again almost immediately!

 

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Huh. Chords are a lot harder than you thought, and they kinda hurt your finger bones. You have a newfound respect for that guy you rolled your eyes at in college who carried his acoustic guitar everywhere, now that you know he was constantly physically contorting his hands into IMPOSSIBLE POSITIONS. After days of practice, you can FINALLY eke out the semblance of a late-era Green Day song, but when you try to play it, your roommates just roll their eyes at YOU. The best you can possibly hope for is BEING THAT GUY. WHAT WAS ALL THIS FINGER-BONE PAIN EVEN FOR IF NO ONE IS GOING TO BE IMPRESSED WITH YOU?



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Alright, famous Old Hollywood or Foreign Film that you've somehow never seen even though everyone else in the world has because you always just re-watch Wedding Crashers whenever it's on TV instead, let's do this! ...What? Wait, what are they saying? Are you having a stroke? Because you literally cannot understand what words are coming out of these actors' old-timey-accented mouths. God, this is boring. Why do people even watch movies anyway? Isn't it to feel HAPPY? And wouldn't you feel HAPPIER if you were enjoying Vince Vaughn and Owen Wilson's undeniable chemistry on the silver screen right now? Quick, if you change the channel now you can still catch the football scene.



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Ah, cooking, a hobby that is both creative and functional. All you need to begin are a few fresh ingredients that are impossible to find in a crowded grocery store when you're already hungry and cranky after work (are stewed tomatoes in a can the same as canned tomato sauce?), the ability to expertly execute kitchen techniques based on zero knowledge (what is broiling? Is it different from boiling? But only one letter is different!), and the patience to spend several hours preparing a finished product that will take under a minute to eat, plus several more hours to clean up after. You're basically already a world-renowned chef.



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You'll definitely start volunteering soon. First you just need to find the right organization to help. You wouldn't want to accidentally start working for one of those terrible places that SAYS they're trying to help people in need but actually just pads their CEO's pockets, after all. That would be worse than not doing anything! And, you know, you don't want to make yourself MISERABLE with some kind of horrible menial volunteering task, like scrubbing toilets or something. You're just waiting for the right volunteer opportunity. Like maybe a really great poverty non-profit needs someone to review Vince Vaughn movies for them. THEN you'll start volunteering.



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Hmm. Turns out you're pretty good at this one.