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"Notice" the space AFTER you're already past it, and say "Oh whoops, could've parked there. Ah well. That would've been tight anyway." Say this out loud even if you're by yourself.



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Say "I can just leave you off here and go park, it's no big deal." This will make you seem like an awesome selfless martyr, PLUS you won't have to park under the pressure of all your friends watching.

But, your friends will decline and stay in the car.



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This will take about eleven minutes. Don't panic. Just be patient and wait until you can't see any cars in your field of vision or mirrors for thirty uninterrupted seconds.



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You need to CONCENTRATE, and you can't fully concentrate while the volume is slightly louder than another volume.



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Instead of giving up immediately and starting over, keep going all the way back until you hit the curb while jutting out into the street at an insanely sharp angle.



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This may seem like a waste of time, but now you're positive that a wormhole in the space-time continuum has not suddenly altered the dimensions of your vehicle or the parking space. No probs!



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Oh God this is bad this is bad you're ruining everyone's day WHY DID YOU HAVE TO GO TO THIS LOCATION??? I'M SORRY EVERYONE!!! I PROMISE I'M A LOCAL AND A REASONABLY INTELLIGENT HUMAN! THIS ALMOST NEVER HAPPENS I SWEARRRR!!!



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Where are they in such a rush to get to, Dickhead Junction? Haha. Good one dude. Resume parking at your own pace.



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Make sure to keep pointing out how tight the space is, and your friend will agree with you so you can save face, even though it's a totally normal space.



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Finally! You're good. Get out to make sure you're in the space. Notice that you're clearly jutting out like eight inches further than every other car and your back wheel is juuust touching a yellow curb spot, but that's fine, they probably don't ticket downtown at 1 pm on weekdays.



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Or just say 'fuck it' and move to New York. Live inside half an IKEA box with a roommate who's literally a rat duct taped to a pigeon working as a freelance video editor. Befriend the rat-pigeon. Tell it how thankful you are that you never ever have to parallel park anymore. The rat-pigeon will make a shrill squeaking noise while gnawing on your passport -- that means it understands ;-)

And that's alllll there is to it! Now get out there and show 'em what you got, Ray PARKER Jr!