Adam Ruins Everything
Jake and Amir
Dating Advice According to the Disney Channel
September 17, 2014
1. Never go after anyone in your social circle. If you're going to pursue someone romantically, make sure that, at least a few times, you've sighed, put your head in your hands, and whined "He doesn't even know I exist!"
2. Once you have kissed once, he is your boyfriend.
3. Never start a relationship in the middle of the season. It will not last. If you want it to last, starting dating in the season (preferably series) finale. Just remember, finale love = forever love.
4. When you eventually start dating your best guy friend, make sure there was little to no previous suggestion of chemistry between the two of you. It will catch him off guard.
5. Always be wearing something ridiculous to catch his eye. Viable suggestions include: kick-ass capri pants, rainbow colored fingerless gloves, or a a matching high heels/blazer combo, even though you're thirteen.
6. To keep a guy interested, make sure you're living a secret double life. it doesn't matter if you're a secret spy, secret psychic, or secret pop star, just make sure your true passions in life stay hidden from him.
7. Always keep your options open, you never know when someone from a popular boy band will agree to guest star.
8. Be yourself.
9. Haha, just kidding. You have no idea who you are, but don't worry about it, and never give yourself the space to explore it.
We like you. Do you like us too?
Don't ask me again.