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1. Your Favorite Coffee Shop - The One That Makes The Best Lattes In The World - Is OFF-Campus and You'll Never Make It To Class On Time If You Leave Now! :(

 

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2. Wait, what? Why am I the one writing this? I'm a man. I'm a grown man.

 

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3. I don't even go to college. I graduated three years ago. And my school was in the city so it wasn't a traditional campus environment. Sorry, but I just don't think I'm qualified to write this.

 

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4. Why are you making me do this?! Please let me go! Please!

 

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5. No! No! Don't hurt me anymore! I'll write it! I write anything you want! Just please don't put me in the box again! Anything but the box! Oh God Have Mercy On My Soul!

 

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6. All your friends from High school havE come a Long way to visit, and you Promised them a fun girl's night out, but having to sign theM in and out Everywhere you go is putting a real damper on things!

 

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7. I'm sorry! You're right! It was stupid! I was desperate! I was wrong! I'm sorry! Your roommate snores! Your roommate made out with that cute guy from your Fiction class! I've got a hundred! Please! You can use me! I'm good! I'm so good! Please! No! Where are you taking me!? Where are you taking me!?

 

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8. Being a young woman living on a college campus is occasionally very difficult. But then again: life is difficult. Every day a new struggle. Time inching ever forward: a harrowing crawl across a tightrope that can snap at any moment. Enjoy your youth. Enjoy your beauty. Enjoy your freedom. For mine...mine is gone. The time to repent has past for surely I am already in hell.

 

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9. AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!! NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

 

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10. Run! I'm a goner! But you still have a chance, Girl That Lives On Campus! Hit snooze! You're within walking distance to class! Who cares if everyone notices you're still wearing pajamas! That's not a struggle! You think it's a struggle that your cafeteria food is gross? You think it's a struggle that your dad friended your dormmates on Facebook and posts embarrassing videos? You don't even know struggle! Struggle is being in a listicle-writing prison of which there is no escape! That's a fucking struggle!

 

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