1. Your Favorite Coffee Shop - The One That Makes The Best Lattes In The World - Is OFF-Campus and You'll Never Make It To Class On Time If You Leave Now! :(
2. Wait, what? Why am I the one writing this? I'm a man. I'm a grown man.
3. I don't even go to college. I graduated three years ago. And my school was in the city so it wasn't a traditional campus environment. Sorry, but I just don't think I'm qualified to write this.
4. Why are you making me do this?! Please let me go! Please!
5. No! No! Don't hurt me anymore! I'll write it! I write anything you want! Just please don't put me in the box again! Anything but the box! Oh God Have Mercy On My Soul!
6. All your friends from High school havE come a Long way to visit, and you Promised them a fun girl's night out, but having to sign theM in and out Everywhere you go is putting a real damper on things!
7. I'm sorry! You're right! It was stupid! I was desperate! I was wrong! I'm sorry! Your roommate snores! Your roommate made out with that cute guy from your Fiction class! I've got a hundred! Please! You can use me! I'm good! I'm so good! Please! No! Where are you taking me!? Where are you taking me!?
8. Being a young woman living on a college campus is occasionally very difficult. But then again: life is difficult. Every day a new struggle. Time inching ever forward: a harrowing crawl across a tightrope that can snap at any moment. Enjoy your youth. Enjoy your beauty. Enjoy your freedom. For mine...mine is gone. The time to repent has past for surely I am already in hell.
9. AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!! NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!
10. Run! I'm a goner! But you still have a chance, Girl That Lives On Campus! Hit snooze! You're within walking distance to class! Who cares if everyone notices you're still wearing pajamas! That's not a struggle! You think it's a struggle that your cafeteria food is gross? You think it's a struggle that your dad friended your dormmates on Facebook and posts embarrassing videos? You don't even know struggle! Struggle is being in a listicle-writing prison of which there is no escape! That's a fucking struggle!