By Brian Boone
Full House. After the question was posed in the theme song week after week for eight years, we finally learn the grizzly truth about what happened to the milkman and the paperboy.
Boy Meets World. Boy and The World decide to break up and go to separate colleges, although they'll always have a special place in their hearts for each other.
The Hogan Family. In a much-hyped crossover event, Cliff Huxtable from The Cosby Show eats the Hogan family because he thinks they're the Hoagie family.
The Cosby Show. Cliff finally gets to eat a hoagie after he drugs his wife, Clair, an event he later vehemently denies ever took place.
The Golden Girls. It died quietly in its sleep.
Home Improvement. While taping an episode of Tool Time, Tim gets hit in the head with a piece of construction equipment. He suffers from amnesia and can't remember anything, so his family and friends rally around his hospital bed, sharing memories of all the fun times they've had together (depicted via flashbacks to old episode of Home Improvement). It does not work. Tim suffers permanent and complete memory loss.
227. The clock finally turns to 2:28, sparing the characters from living in an endless time loop.
Doogie Howser, M.D. After a lot of soul searching and advice seeking, Doogie decides he wants everyone to call him Douglas from that point on.
A Different World. Everyone graduates from the college. The dean of the college locks up the college for the night, but somebody tries to come in. "Sorry," the dean says, "we're closed."
Roseanne. Roseanne reveals that the wacky last season--in which the Conners won the lottery--had all just been a TV show.
Family Matters. While it's a rare condition in this day and age, Carl both fills the prophecy set forth in the theme song and also foretells the death of print media, by reading some good news on the newspaper page, which at that point is down to a single broadsheet.
Cheers. The Cheers bar becomes a Dave and Buster's. The spinoff/continuation, Dave and Buster's, runs for 11 seasons and wins the Emmy for Best Comedy Series five times.
Amen. Everyone finally comes to their senses and realizes there is no God.
Empty Nest. It's still airing on NBC in its original time slot, Saturdays at 9:30 p.m. Programming executives forgot it was still on the air and never cancelled it. It wasn't until 2010 that anybody at the network noticed, at which point it had been airing for so long that they'd look foolish if they said anything, so they just kind of let it go.
The Wonder Years. Kevin and Winnie get married and stay together forever. That's what you fucking wanted, right?