6. Everything about the alliance

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This alliance was so confusing. First, did they make the alliance before entering the arena? Or did it happen at some point on the battlefield? Because I can't imagine how tense and awkward that alliance formation would've been on the field.

"Hold up, don't shoot."

"Why?"

"Cuz lets all be on a team."

"But...you just murdered three people. How can I trust you?"

"Uhh, like...I dunno but just trust me."

"No, you're still holding your weapon."

"Well yeah, I still need my weapon."

"Well then how can I trust you?"

"Uhh, like...I dunno but just trust me."

Days turn to nights, seasons pass, they all age, and I'd imagine they'd still be standing there saying this same thing on loop.

Second, if they formed later PURELY to get Katniss, wouldn't they all have been keeping an eye on her in the beginning? Because they knew she was a threat. I mean, they let Peeta into their alliance solely to help find Katniss, but yet when the battle first started, they didn't give a shit about her?

Also, what exactly WAS their plan while in their alliance? What if Katniss died randomly from one of those fireballs? Then are they all like, shit. It's just us now. *stab* *stab* *stab*.

  

7. Man. Just, fuck that whole tree scene.

Notoriously the worst scene, logically. The alliance catches Katniss, and she decides to climb up a tree. WHY do people do this is movies?! Climbing trees is WAY more difficult than just continuing running. Have you ever climbed a tree with ease? Unless you're one of those guys from those weird ESPN shows, you answered no. Second, trees are dead ends. This is known, right?

So Cato climbs up after her, but a branch gives out and he falls. Then, he tries again, climbs back up, and kills her. Oh no, wait. That would've made too much sense. Instead, the group shoots some arrows which miss her, and instead of ooooh, I dunno, continuing shooting arrows, perhaps from a better angle, re-climbing the tree, or literally any other reattempt, they decide to camp out. CAMP OUT. LIKE FALL ASLEEP. AND NOT IN SHIFTS. CUZ NOTHING CAN GO WRONG WITH THIS PLAN.

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So then they fall asleep, Katniss gets a super convenient sponsor gift, then spots a super convenient tracker jacker nest (also super conveniently wakes up before everyone else, like, what if she overslept? Then she's dead, right? Also, why didn't Peeta kill people in their sleep since he wasn't really on their side?), then unleashes the tracker jackers. Man, and even that part angered me. Katniss was out two days after getting stung by a handful...what about Cato and Clove? Were they out for days too? Cuz they HAD to have gotten stung an equivalent amount. I mean look at these nightmarish swarms!

You'd think they all would've been knocked out, and somebody would've picked them all off. Also, what a boring two days for everyone watching at home.

 

8. Maybe save some of that magic healing salve?

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If Katniss keeps some leftover salve, maybe she can save Rue when she's shot, right? If it's magic enough? All I'm saying is if someone gives you a magic balm that could possibly be the single-most important medical creation of the past century, you probably wanna pocket some of that for later.

9. Why release those mutant dogs?

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These genetically altered killing machines were released by the Capitol at the end, in an attempt to hurry along the final showdown, but why would they be in a hurry to end it in the first place? To compare to a real life scenario, it would be like if one of the best Super Bowls you'd ever seen kept going into more and more overtimes. How great would that be? You'd be on the edge of your seat! Now imagine this Super Bowl equipped each player with weaponry and required the losers to die. I don't think you'd be turning that station. Not to mention this much extended viewership would be an advertisers dream come true. And it's not like the Games are boring. All the cool people are still left, only the boring non-story arc duds have died. What's the rush?

 

10. Peeta's hilarious hiding camo

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Wow, Peeta. I understand that you have these skills, but why? At the very least, how about creating body paint that blends in with a bush or something? Or maybe a rock thats not partially submerged under water. Did you forget you have a giant leg wound?

I mean, remember the first time you went camping, and how your parents made you boil stream water first because of all the nasty, harmful bacteria in there? Well, imagine not boiling the water, instead dumping it into a gaping wound in your leg. And then tossing in some mud for good measure. I don't know the bacteria count for mud, but it's gotta be higher. And that's the plan Peeta chooses. 

Or how about just put shrubs on your face? No makeup required.

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Look. Easy. Done.

Also, his Neverending Story-esque makeup job miraculously disappears as Katniss is attending to his leg. There's no way a make-up job of that caliber simply washes off in an instant. He shoulda finished the movie looking like a goddamn rock is what I'm saying. For realism's sake. And my entertainments.

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Wait.

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On second thought, I think Katniss mighta let this Peeta die. So, good call them.

 

In the mood for more complaints? Check out these other articles:

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