Michelle Obama is driving our nation's high school students to the brink of starvation with her shitty school lunch agenda. High school students on Twitter are snapping pics of their lunches and tagging them with #thanksmichelleobama.

I hate to be the bearer of bad news, kids, but school lunches are supposed to be shitty -- it's the American way. Lemme explain, the school wants you out of its system as quickly as possible, because if you repeat a year you're costing the tax payers money. Which means another year of feeding you corn niblets and square pizza. So you see, by providing you with a school lunch that looks like it's been sitting on the floor of a truck stop since 1985, the school is filling your bellies with resentment and bitterness. Thus motivating you to graduate sooner rather than later.