This is a definitive list of the BEST condiments on the market... that I can think of off the top of my head.



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Ugh, do I even need to explain why this is at the bottom of the list? The smell alone incites panic and makes everything 5 times nastier. The thick white goop that ruins lives.

 

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To be honest, Relish isn't even the worst condiment but there is just SO few things you can put it on. In fact, the ONLY thing you can put it on is hot dogs.

 

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Seriously, why the huge glob? I use maybe 1/100th of the served amount. Sure, the first time I tried Wasabi I ate half of it in one bite. I absolutely regret that day every waking moment. That being said, that small part I do use is delicious. It's just way too potent.

 

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You're playing Russian Roulette when you order Chinese food. The one constant is those little baggies with black sauce. It improves the bland food almost instantly... OH and don't put it on anything but Chinese... Trust me.

 

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Steak is one of God's greatest creations. It's really hard to find a bad steak to eat... Hell, I'd go as far as saying it's almost impossible to improve the steak. That's what I thought until I tried the green vomit juice known as "Chimichurri." It takes a level 10 item food to the next level.

 

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Just to keep it consistent on the Latin front, here is Pico de Gallo. The citrus-y Mexican salsa. It will make anything you're eating 666 times better. It's that good, it summons demons.

 

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Mustard is just a little better than relish. There is such a huge variety and you can put it on a ton of things. But at the end of the day it's still Mustard.

 

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As far as hot sauces go, none compete with Sriracha. There is even a
cookbook based on the sauce. It's not too hot but it's not mega mild. Perfect zing. Perfect Thing.

 

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The most important meal of the day's condiment. Put it on your waffles or pancakes in the morning. Pour it on your chicken for dinner. It's good, and that's all I need to say about it.

 

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The scent of a barbeque makes anyone salivate. It's just slabs of meat on a plate. Slather it in BBQ sauce and you're eating God's dick. It's just perfect.

 

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Let's face it, ketchup is the standard in american restaurants for a reason. All hail the king of condiments. It goes well with almost everything, as long as its Heinz, or fancy ketchup. GET THAT HUNT'S OUT OF HERE, YOU LITTLE SHITS.

 

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After I've relinquished my foes and I've drained them of all their blood, I'll pour a little on a hoagie and I've got myself a nice summer snack! The taste of triumph!

 

If you're favorite condiment isn't on the list, put it in the comment section below.