Hi Studs and Starlets,

I want to thank everyone for being so welcoming and friendly my first day on set. And let me assure you all, I'm not just another gawker on set with a "boom mic" in his cargo shorts, but a serious academic script consultant. Given that so many adult films are set in the collegiate environment, having a consultant with experience in academia will give this picture the verisimilitude and believability sure to set College Nymphos 6 worlds above College Nymphos 5

What follows are some minor script notes based on my years as a Humanities teaching assistant and graduate student:

 

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Right off the bat, when Candie asks for an "extension" on her final paper and then winks (bon mot, guys, seriously), I'm just not buying Professor Steele's reaction. Sure, he could motion towards his genitals and say she has to "earn it," but if I were Professor Steele, I would want to know why Candie deserved special dispensation. What are the extenuating circumstances that prevented Candie from completing her critical essay on Kierkegaard's Fear and Trembling on time? Maybe instead of becoming intimate, they can brainstorm some time-management strategies. Oh! And maybe while she's explaining the "circumstances" of her nymphomania scholarship, we could fit in a delicious "circumcision" pun. I don't know, I'm not a writer. I'm just saying it's there. 

 

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The emotional core of this picture has got to be the bang session between English TA Dick Powers and the Brazilian post-doc working on "weapons-grade lube" for the Department of Defense. But the authenticity of that scene is undercut by some, frankly, pedestrian dialogue. Dick's a bright, sensitive scholar, and the most articulate thing he can say is "Ooh, you're so hot, babe?" And when was the last time you talked with an English scholar who didn't ham-fistedly steer the conversation towards post-modernism in the first two minutes? Instead, I think he's more likely to say something like, "Your performance of the Madonna/Whore monotype perfectly reflects the third wave feminism of Gayle Rubin." Better, right? 

 

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Just to clarify: What exactly is Professor Ginger Snap's standing in the Human Sexuality Department? I mean, is she a full professor or just an associate? Is she tenured, tenure-track, maybe just affiliate faculty? It may not seem like it matters, but that's going to inform the character's choices in vital ways. There's no way a junior faculty member with a running tenure clock is going to have the job-security (or time, for that matter) to 69 with a student right after class. Professor Snap would be running out the door to her next lecture or committee meeting or departmental colloquium. Easy fix: we shoot a short montage in which the student contacts the department administrator to set up a meeting with Professor Snap, and after some scheduling and shuffling, she and the student 69 at an agreed-upon time and place. I would say the student could just drop by her office hours, but there's no way an undergrad would voluntarily show up to office hours, even with the promise of mutual oral sex.

 

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Okay, it's the elephant in the room, so I'll just say it: the group project orgy scene is just not working. It's sexy--don't get me wrong--but you can only suspend your disbelief so far. I mean, the Anatomy professor leaves the room and all the students immediately start going at it? Come on! First off, the minute the professor leaves, 90% of those undergrads are out the door, saddling some overly-ambitious schmuck with all the work. A group project is never going to lead to an orgy; it's gotta be a solo scene--just one resentful control-freak plugging away alone in the library stacks. In that spirit, I've taken the liberty of changing all the "dirty talking" dialogue tags to "bitterly grumbling."  

   

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Lastly (and I admit this is a small one), in the scene where graduate student Rita gets it on with her thesis advisor Professor Bangz, the prof wouldn't be yelling "Oh, Rita!" as she climaxes. The character brief indicates Rita is a first-year research assistant, so there is no way Professor Bangz would have taken the time to learn Rita's name. The devil's in the details, people. 

Other than that, it's pretty accurate. So here's to Jim Magnum, Dean of Hard-on Sciences, and the sexpert faculty at Valley State College! I can't wait to see the finished product later this afternoon. 

 

Cheers,

Sean Beckman, PhD Candidate 

Humanities Department, Morgan College

 

P.S. Third page, first sentence of the second full paragraph, it should be "whom" not "who".