1. Liam Neeson's Pecker Was So Immense It Looked Like a Water Bottle

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"He unzipped his pants and an Evian bottle fell out. It was insane!" - Janice Dickinson, witness to Liam Neeson's kingly shaft

That's a quote from a lady whose last name is Dickinson, so you KNOW she's pretty much THE authority on massive panguses. Anyways, apparently Mr. Taken has a hidden weapon bigger than most guns - a seriously titanic weiner.

 

2. James Woods' Penis Defies Biology

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Hey, pretty appropriate last name there, James, since apparently YOUR wood is SOLID. Mainly, big, though. Like, "long live the new flesh" big, but the "new flesh" in this case is his big-time pee-hose. Original LoveLine host Poorman once described it as "18 inches long" - and while that's medically-impossible (I hope), the general gist is that the guy from that episode of The Simpsons where Apu gets fired has a pretty sizeable pocket rocket.

 

3. Willem Dafoe's Dick Is "Confusingly Large"

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Willem Dafoe's terrifying goblin face isn't the ONLY weirdly horrifying thing about his body - his mondo dong is so unbelievably massive, he had to use a stand-in dick for nude scenes in Antichrist. Here's the exchange, per The L Magazine:

Interviewer: Hold on - you had a stand-in dick? You had to have a stand in dick for Dafoe?

Lars von Trier: Yes, yes, we had to have, because Will's own was too big.

Interviewer: Too big to fit in the screen?

Lars von Trier: No, too big because everybody got very confused when they saw it.

While most actors are stuck using stand-in dicks to exaggerate the appearance of their pathetically teensy dinguses (like Mark Wahlberg in Boogie Nights and also Transformers 4, probably), Dafoe actually had to get a stand-in dick so that his weirdly huge crotch-sausage wouldn't terrify audiences (assuming the rest of Antichrist didn't already terrify them, that is).

And the weirdest part? What actually happens with Dafoe's dick SHOULD be the terrifying part (here's a quick rundown if you haven't seen it and we sure as shit are not gonna link to a Youtube video of this) - his gargantuan twig 'n berries are mutilated in the most horrifying manner possible. But yet that nightmare-ish act of dick-torture isn't half as scary as Dafoe's actual chubster.

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BONUS BONER FACT! Not only all of that, but Willem Dafoe has famously used his bodacious boner -- he was expelled from high school for shooting a porno. Also his parents had a room in their house pretty specifically dedicated for anyone in the family to go have sex.