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She's already in your mouth, so thats a good first step. If she says "Everything looks good in there" she really means "You look good in here".

 

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If she is cupping your ball tote, do a quick 5 Mississippi count (don't forget to cough), and if it surpasses that 5 count she is WAY into you.

 

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If she slips you her business card because "You have epilepsy" and "might have some concerns", it really means "Call me, love me and make me your life"

 

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You guys go on dates and possibly live together, the signs are all pointing to her loving you. You're IN, my dude!

 

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After all those dates, and moving in together you realize you couldn't live your life without each other. So, naturally you propose... and she accepts. Dude... she said "Yes" she is most def in love with you. Oh, and on the honeymoon you might go all the way! ;)

 

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OMG, if she has TWO of your kids there is no doubt she is into you. Two beautiful babies that look just like you guys. I'd say you're pretty set and have her love.

 

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You know, life gets busy with work. You start working a lot more than you should, spending less time with the Doctor, Simon and Peter. You start losing your temper a lot more than you used to. She meets a new young Patient named, Derek. He reminds her of the young vibrant man you used to be. But don't sweat it bro-man-dude! She's just playing hard to get!!!

 

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The doctor starts being a little absent around you. You get a weird vibe about that patient, Derek, who has been texting her a lot more than he should. She starts getting gifts you know you didn't buy her and she didn't buy herself. But you're still so absent it doesn't matter, really. She's SO playing hard to get, man!

 

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You come home early one day and see another car in the driveway. You run in to find The Doctor and Derek banging, I mean, really going at it. You leave to go for a drive and think about how much of a shitty patient you've been. Maybe things happened because you've been so absent. Maybe you should have been home with Peter and Simon more, but now it's all down the drain because you're so neglectful. You won't come back home from that drive. You'll live on the fringe for the remainder of your days, between hotels and truck-stops. Will you become a lonely druggie-alcoholic? Yeah, probably. Will you have a near death experience doing autoerotic asphyxiation in a hotel because you're all alone and need the thrill to make sure you still feel anything at all? ABSOLUTELY. It's your fault, and you know it. But she's probably negging you. She's probably in love as shit. But that doesn't fix the sinking feeling that you'll never experience another moment of happiness ever again.

 

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Like dude, whaaaat?

 

 

Here's some more dating advice:

How to Keep Your Girlfriend out of the Bathroom After You Pooped
5 Ways To Spice Up Your Sex Life
Seeing The Doctor As A Kid VS An Adult