Medieval Missed Connections
Yesterday, In The Market - w4m
I was walking past the blacksmith's shop, where they make suits of armor and barbaric instruments of torture. I saw you out of the corner of my eye (I only have the one due to a nasty childhood infection). It was raining and you were shoveling donkey feces out of the street when I noticed that you were attractive and seemed to not have the plague. Maybe we should get together sometime? Let me know.
I Had The Red Frilly-Thingy On My Helmet - m4w
I'm a knight, so like, I pretty much get whichever maidens I desire, and when I saw you in the crowd at the big jousting match the other day, I decided I desired you - you know, like in a sexual way. Could I send my squire to escort you to my bed-chambers? It'd be totally hot. Speaking of chivalry, I'm very giving if you know what I mean ;)
I'm The Prisoner In Town Square - m4w
You were walking past me the other day while I was locked in the stockades. I know you noticed me because you stopped and screamed at me, and then threw rotten cabbage in my face with the rest of the mob. Is it weird that I thought you were flirting? I'm sort of into dominant women, which is why I don't totally hate the stockades. Anyways, I'm still here if you'd like to stop by again sometime.
The Graveyard By The Pagan Church - w4m
My father died of the plague and you were the undertaker that buried him. It was raining and I could tell by the way you vomited from seeing his still-open plague wounds that you're a really compassionate guy. Maybe we can get together to discuss the shortcomings of present-day sanitation and medical care. Open to meeting wherever, even the graveyard.
The Stables Behind The Mead Hall - m4w
I was passed out underneath a horse. You woke me up by dumping a bucket of freezing water on my face and kicking me violently in the ribs. My mother's a tavern wench, too, so that's probably why I found you so attractive or maybe just it's some Freudian thing. Anyway, how many copper pieces do you cost? Let me know if you're interested.
The Village I Pillaged - m4w
Last week, a hoard of my fellow King's Guards and I burned down your village and slaughtered all your livestock because that's what the King told us to do. You had red hair and it was raining. I just can't seem to get you off my mind. I remember you were looking super sad and totally cute as we set your parents on fire. Still kicking myself for not asking you out (and for letting you escape). Care to give it another shot?