Everyone always focuses on how great the video game hero is, but his support staff are the real heroes...for dealing with how awful the protagonist is. 

 

1. Merchant - Legend of Zelda

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Also, why are there open flames?? This is just a terrible business model. (image via zeldawiki)


You only ever have one customer and he's a weird blonde kid with a sword. And it's the same merchant at every shop so you either have to anticipate where he's going to be and then somehow sneak around to get there before him or you're some kind of clone that exists specifically to sell things to Link. I don't know which sounds worse.

 

2. Koopa Troopa - Mario


Murdering everyone with the spinning corpse of their dead friend is real fucked up, Mario. (image via tumblr)


Seriously, how many castles are there in Mushroom Kingdom??? They all need to be staffed by tons of koopas who work in very hazardous conditions. They're constantly walking right into pits of lava or having spikes dropped on their heads. Plus, when Mario goes through a castle he BLOWS IT UP. So even if you manage to escape being crushed to death and having your shell used to murder your friends, you're going to get blown up anyway.

 

3. Any other archaeologist - Tomb Raiderundefined

That archaeology degree come in handy when murdering nature's most majestic creatures, Lara? (image via geekissimo)


Lara Croft is supposed to be a brilliant archaeologist but isn't she kinda terrible at her job? She doesn't seem to share her findings with anyone, and the people that come on expeditions with her are consistently killed in freak accidents or ancient rituals. Plus I'm pretty sure she destroys more relics that she saves.

 

4. Street Fighter - Street Fighter

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This photo will be on display at 15 funerals (photo via youtube)


I've always wondered who's paying them to fight each other. There's no way it's just a hobby if they have the ability to travel all over the world. And those moves are way too specialized to be the result of weekend warrior training. But the salary can't be that good because they can't ever afford to buy new clothes. Also the mortality rate is frighteningly high. Like, you will definitely die.

 

5. Gym Leader - Pokemon


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"It's not my fault I'm a jerk - my persona is necessary for your character development" (image via wikihow)


As if it wasn't hard enough to run a functioning gym, you're just saddled with the task of fighting these punk-ass pokemon trainers who think they're better than you because they buttered up to Professor Oak. And because of this you're automatically characterized as the antagonist, even though you're just doing your job. 

 

6. Princess - Mario

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While you're relaxing, maybe try to work on a strategy to NOT GET KIDNAPPED EVERY 20 MINUTES (image via retrouprising)


I guess it's not technically a job, it's more of a title. But if you're a princess in Mushroom Kingdom, you're getting kidnapped on the daily. And your rescuer is a weird stalker plumber.

 

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