Does your roommate think you're not cool cause you don't have sex all the time? That's a very judgemental roommate. But don't worry, here's how you can make it sound like you're having sex all the time so they think you're as cool as a guy who has sex all the time.
Classic tactic. Just hop on your bed and wiggle around on it to make it sound like you are doin' it. It is going to feel weird, true, but it'll sound like you have a really healthy sex life and your roommate is gonna be impressed.
Purely from cultural association, if you blast some sexy R&B tunes, your roomie is gonna think you are in there making real sensual and passionate love. This is an easy one and will also open you up to some new music, which is good.
Say out loud, very loud, stuff like, "the safeword is dunkaroos," and "we can't have sex again, it's too many times today!" When your roomie hears this stuff they are gonna say, "Wow, my roommate has a really active and thriving sex live." And you can keep just hanging out in your room.
Load up "When Harry Met Sally," right to that orgasm scene and let her rip. Your roommate will hear and think, "damn, they are good at sex." Just make sure you stop it before that old lady talks because she will give away the rouse.
One of the more aggressive choices and a step further than the previous option, this one will definitely get the job done. Be sure to pick a type of porn that reflects your actual sexual desires and practices, just because might as well keep the lie close to home, ya know? But after your roomie hears that porn and thinks it's you, you are gonna be seen as a sex master.
That's right, get some rodents. Gerbils, hamsters, rabbits or guinea pigs will work. When your roommate is within earshot, rile those lil guys up and get em squeakin'. It's gonna sound like you're having a wild time in the sack, and your roommate will know you mean business.
Get a big tub of cottage cheese, post up by the door and chew away. You may feel sick after, but keep a spit bucket right next to you and spit the cheese out, that's another sound your roommate will hear and think, "Man, there is some real sloppy dirty sex going on in there. I respect it." Make sure to throw the cheese out soon after otherwise it will smell terrible.
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