Dear People Who Make Porn,

Us little ol ladies are familiar with your work -- we like to watch naked people mash genitalia too!  You've been so kind as to include "Female Friendly" sections on sites, which outright admits that all other porn is hostile towards women. We've seen the new breed of "romantic" and "art" porn. Your attempts are cute, but you are still STICKING THE DESIRES OF HALF THE POPULATION INTO A FEW LITTLE SUBGENRES.

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Here's 12 ways to make porn more appealing for 51% of the population (or at least a good portion of that 51) : 

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A dude repetitively stabs his penis in a woman without ANY clitoral stimulation and you expect us to believe her lusty screams? Nope. Why would we want to project ourselves onto a human fleshlight that's getting pounded away?

A silent but real 15 second orgasm over a 30 minute vocal performance is way sexier any day.

 

 

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Let us see/hear the dude too. We wanna know he's enjoying himself and not just working for a paycheck here. And he doesn't need to always be The All-Knowing Master of Sex God -- it's okay if he communicates with his partner.

 

 

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There might be a time and place to see dudes cumming on a woman's face and to watch her choking on a giant dick, but it's certainly not every single porn vid.

 

Telltale signs a dude watches too much porn because there's no way any normal human would do this to another human on their own accord: when he gets a blowjob, he puts his hands up behind his head like he's a fuckin' king sunbathing on private beach .. or, even worse, when he puts his hands on the back of his partner's head while she's going down on him.

Come on, dudes. And not on our faces.

 

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No close-up penis in vagina shots. We don't want to be reminded how we are all disgusting animals plugging and chugging away and how any porn is actually just a poorly-made human nature documentary.