4. Anita (101 Dalmatians)

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Sure, we all have friends that are kinda dickholes - but none compare to Anita's pal, Cruella De Vil. And while we shouldn't entirely blame Anita for the actions of her psychopath schoolmate, we need to blame her A LITTLE BIT. Seriously - what redeeming qualities does Cruella have? Why are you allowing her into your life AT ALL? Her name is CRUELLA DE VIL. Her family home is literally called HELL HALL. WHAT MORE DO YOU NEED TO UNDERSTAND YOU NEED TO CUT TIES WITH THIS PERSON, ANITA?

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"Eccentric" is the worst thing you're willing to call the woman who plans on skinning 99 puppies and turning them into a coat? It's time to take responsibility for the people you bring into your home, Anita.

 

5. The Seven Dwarfs (Snow White & The Seven Dwarfs)

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How many blood diamonds do you think the seven dwarfs dig up PER DAY?

What I'm getting at is - that's an INSANE diamond/ruby/Heart of the Sea mine that these seven singular-personality-trait dudes seems to have all to themselves - and I don't buy it. I don't buy that these dudes are the only ones interested in that mine - how many dwarves were there originally? How many have they killed so that they could hoard their insane wealth among only 7?

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Even if you DON'T think they've murdered 95 fellow dwarves (my working theory), they're already absurdly rich beyond measure - what they pull in in a single day is bigger than the GDP of most developed nations. And they're definitely not spending any of their crazy wealth - they live a modest life in a tiny cottage. The only thing even resembling charity is their free room and board for a lady who eats anything handed to her by strangers, apparently.

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Seriously, donate ONE diamond to an orphanage or something, you greedy dwarves. Or give Sneezy some money to see a doctor for god's sake.

 

6. Geppetto (Pinocchio)

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It's pretty obvious that Geppetto shouldn't have a kid - he's super old, super poor, and he spends his time making puppets and wishing they were real (pretty clear sign that he's at least a little bit mentally-unbalanced). This is not an ideal parent for a kid - still, it'd be hard to argue that he didn't have a lot of love in his old man heart for his terrifying living wooden doll son.

Still - he's OLD. Geppetto can't be more than 5 years away from death or senility, whichever comes first - and either of which would make him completely worthless as a parent. And he thinks he should be the caregiver to a mutated puppet-child? Sorry dude, but that's pretty selfish and short-sighted. That kid deserves a decent home, and I'm afraid a super old dude and a dressed-up, star-gazing bug aren't going to be able to provide that. Pinocchio's gonna be living as an orphan again in no time, and I really don't think that a fancy grasshopper can handle this alone.

 

7. Elsa (Frozen)

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HOW MANY PEOPLE DID YOUR SUDDEN WINTER SPELL KILL, ELSA? HUH? YOU BASICALLY JUST DID THE PLOT OF 'THE DAY AFTER TOMORROW" BUT FOR REAL. THE CROPS WILL FAIL, LIVESTOCK WILL DIE - THERE IS GONNA BE NO GODDAMN FOOD LEFT IN ARENDELLE FOR A YEAR. CAN'T REALLY "LET THAT GO", CAN YOU?

ALSO YOU MADE A DRESS OUT OF ICE OR SOMETHING. THAT'S GOTTA BE COLD AS SHIT, RIGHT? SORRY, JUST IN A "YELL-Y" MOOD RIGHT NOW.

 

Want to feel bad about more Disney stuff?

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